Page 37 of All Our Ghosts

Suddenly, the heat I feel from his body disappears. My eyes fly open to see him further down the dark trail, walking backward with a sly grin plastered on his lips.

I can’t help the blush creeping up my neck as I make my way to him, taking the hand he holds out for me. Butterflies explode in my chest as the warmth I’m quickly becoming accustomed to spreads from the hand he’s holding to my chest.

Holden continues to lead me down the path before cutting through a patch of trees. It’s not until the moonlight begins to peek through the trees that I can see the clearing ahead of us. Hepulls a branch back for me, letting me walk through first as the sound of rushing water surrounds me.

I feel his hand rest on my lower back as we push our way through the greenery. My gaze lifts upwards to a train bridge, large dark steel trusses are covered in moss and overgrown ivy. Below sits a river, rushing and beating against the rocks and logs.

“Holden…” I whisper. “This is beautiful.”

I turn to him, noticing how his eyes glisten against the water and moonlight cascading around us. He almost looks…remorseful.

“Come on,” he says softly, taking my hand again and leading me further onto the bridge until we get to a spot where the wood isn’t as worn and doesn’t creak as much under our footfalls.

Holden sits down on the edge, letting his legs hang over the side. I follow him, sitting next to him. The beams shift above us, whining with the soft autumn wind.

“When Cole and I were kids,” he starts, “we used to ride our bikes out here to swim during the summertime. Jump off the ledge over there.” Holden points to the edge where the middle of the bridge opens up slightly. “We would spend hours here until it got dark and we’d have to ride back, cold and wet.”

He chuckles to himself, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips at the memory but as soon as it was there, his smile fades.

“After a few summers, my sis–” he pauses and I watch his Adam's apple bob in his throat, “my sister started taggin’ along with us.” A laugh bubbles from his throat as his face falls. “We spent every day here, just looking for some excuse to not be at home.”

I glance down at the water rushing below us. My feet kick softly with the wind that ripples between us. When my father got sick, I prayed for siblings almost every day, just someone whowould not make me feel so alone while my mother acted like he was already gone.

My stomach flips at the remembrance of the text messages sitting on my phone like ticking time bombs. I’d have to tell Cole and Holden soon enough. Cole warned me that if anything were to threaten the club, he would do anything to protect it and I knew Jeremy could easily rip away what they have.

I feel Holden shift next to me, my gaze moving from the glittering water to him. Had he been talking?

“Where is she now?” I ask, my voice almost a whisper.

He shakes his head, his fingers running along the wood between us.

“She passed away about a month ago.”

The words come out like they’re shattered glass and his eyes drop to where his fingers were tracing. I glance down, seeing etchings in the planks.

BN

HN

CO

“I’m sorry–”

Holden shakes his head again. “Becca would have hated people feeling sorry for me,” he chokes out in between a laugh. “She also would have kicked my ass for acting the way I did the other night.”

Finally, crystal blue eyes land on me. He’s being genuine, not looking for forgiveness, but I can see the guilt riddled on his features.

It’s then realized that his actions are far more complicated than him being a general asshole. I knew I recognized the sadness behind his anger, but now I know where it stems from.

“I was angry at Cole because it felt like he was replacing Becs with you,” he admits. “I wasn’t angry with you, I just…” Holden shrugs.

“Wasn’t ready to let her go yet?” I finish for him.

His jaw ticks for a moment. “Yeah,” he breathes finally.

I smile for a second, my chest feeling tight, and want to give him something. Be honest with him about some tidbits of my life, but I know it’s going to be more difficult to tell him the longer I wait.

I turn back to the water, watching as it fights against the rocks and logs, unsure of how deep it is or how cold it is, yet there’s something exciting and mysterious about what lurks beneath the darkness.

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