Page 38 of All Our Ghosts

His fingers find mine, intertwining them. I didn’t realize how much I missed the softness that touches can have. That not all of them can be harsh and laced with a cruelness that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. I’m slowly getting used to it again and the fact that when he touches me, my body doesn’t flinch or cower out of habit only makes me that much more willing to let his hands roam.

My phone buzzes again in my pocket and my stomach drops. Whether it’s another threat from Jeremy, a passive-aggressive text from my mother, or Maria checking in, I don’t want to deal with it. I should have turned off my phone and it’s taking everything in me not to chuck it in the river below us.

“The text I got earlier was from my mother,” I blurt through the silence, my stare fixed on the waters below.

I can feel Holden’s eyes on me, his gaze lighting a fire against my skin. “She and I don’t get along very well and I wasn’t expecting her to message me.”

It’s not a total lie; I wasn’t expecting any texts from my mother and Ireallywasn’t expecting the text I got.

“Is everything okay?” He asks. “Back home I mean.”

I huff a laugh, glancing down at our tangled fingers. “I don’t have a home, especially not with her.”

Tears sting the corners of my eyes at the realization. My mother has never been a safe place for me to fall. Not even when my father was alive. It took a long time for me to figure out that my mother’s supposed love was littered with ultimatums and fueled with gaslighting.

Holden turns to me again, his hands finding my cheeks as he tilts my chin to look at him. “You don’t have to talk about this,” he whispers, his thumb wiping away a tear that falls as I blink up at him.

I sigh, shaking my head. I’m not ready. I already feel broken and alone; if I tell him everything I know he’d look at me like a kicked puppy and that’s the last thing I want.

His eyes search mine as his thumb trails along my cheekbone. I feel it drag down to my bottom lip, running across my cool skin. A soft gasp falls from my lips as he tugs it gently down, letting the pad of his thumb flick over it.

My head begins to spin from the heat swirling in my stomach, trying to push away the anger and hurt I’m still feeling that had bubbled up. Holden’s eyes soften and he stares back at me, every once in a while flitting down to my lips and back up.

“This is probably horrible timing,” he gravels, “but I’m dying to kiss you again.” He leans in, his nose nudging tenderly against mine causing me to suck in a breath. “Can I kiss you again?”

I feel his lips brush against mine, my body practically melting into his. I slowly nod my head, watching him lean towards me and to tease him I pull back slightly tugging my bottom lip between my teeth.

Holden lets out a low growl, smirking as his hand wrapped around the back of my neck to pull me to him. I let out a laugh that’s soon swallowed by his mouth. Plush pink lips slot over mine carefully but with a fire that turns from embers to full flames the longer we’re connected.

I cup my hands around his face, feeling him hiss against me at the coldness of my skin as I relish in the way his stubble prickles at my palm.

A moan floats between the two of us and I’m not sure which one of us it comes from. Right now I can’t get enough of the way he tastes, the whiskey still lingers on his tongue and as it dances with mine I clench my thighs together hoping to soothe the aching between my legs.

I feel him pull away for a moment, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth before soothing his bite with a soft kiss. I rest my forehead against his own, the heat from his body sending a chill down my spine.

“Tell me the truth,” I breathe, my hands resting against the collar of his vest. “Was this the famous Holden Nash kissing spot?” I grin, still breathless as I lean to trail gentle kisses along his jawline.

He chuckles. “No, that was a boulder we passed on our way here.”

I pull back, scoffing as he laughs again. I shove his chest playfully, pushing him back slightly as his hands wrap around my waist taking him with me. Holden pulls me into his lap, my thighs straddling him. My body tenses for a moment, realizing that his legs are still dangling over the edge of the bridge and just the slightest lean back could mean me falling into the water.

Holden’s hands wrap around my waist, pulling me further into him as his nose runs along my jaw and behind my ear. “I’ve got you, Sunflower. I won’t let you fall.”

I look back at him, the nickname hitting me straight in my core, and tug the baseball cap off his head as I lean into him again. I drag my tongue along my bottom lip, my fingers tangling into his hair before pressing my lips against his again with a sigh. “You’d better not.”

HOLDEN

God, she feels good under my touch.

The softness of her skin, the way her lips ghost around the stubble of my jaw, sending me into a fit of giggles like I’m a kid again being tickled. Her hips grind down into mine, firing a jolt of electricity up my spine, and if it wasn’t for the cold wood beneath me keeping me grounded, I probably would give her everything I have right here and now.

Kissing her at Marlowe’s was like a dam breaking. Every doubt, every slice of annoyance that I feel towards her washes away with the way she melts into me. Like she hasn’t been touched or kissed this way–ever.

I wrap my hands around the backs of her thighs as she straddles me. My legs are still dangling off the edge of the bridge. I’m not lying when I say I’ve got her. What she doesn’t know is that I want her in more ways than one, but for now, I’d hang on to any moment that she’ll let me have.

We’ve been like this for a while, staring at each other, her fingers dancing along my chin, studying each freckle on my face while I watch the way the corners of her mouth upturn slightlywhen she discovers something new about me and soon the moon dips behind the clouds blanketing us in darkness.

“I need to get you back to the shop,” I whisper, even though everything in me wants to stay here, in the bubble we’ve created in a place that means more to me than anything else now.

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