Page 81 of All Our Ghosts

KADENCE

His arms wrap around my waist, tugging me against his chest.

“I’m never going to let anything hurt you.” Holden’s words become muffled as he buries his face into the crook of my neck. My cheeks flush feeling his growing erection press against my belly.

“I’m sure you and the rest of the three musketeers won’t,” I murmur against his still wet skin.

His chuckles fill the room as he walks me towards the edge of the bed. “The three musketeers?” Holden asks, his hands running up and down my arms, sending another trail of fireworks down my spine.

I giggle, the fire in my core starting to burn in a soft smolder once again. What we did in the shower… I never experienced anything like it. It was like my own out-of-body experience as he gracefully explored every inch of me. Giving me everything I need physically and showing me that sex isn’t just all about being forceful. It can be beautiful, too, and that realization is what brings on the shock.

“You,” I breathe as he turns me around in his arms and presses a kiss to my chest, “Cole and Dex.” I glance up at him, the smile on his face falters for only a moment as he steps back from me and that instant feeling that I’ve done something wrong sinks in. “What?”

He shakes his head and moves around me. “Nothing,” Holden murmurs as he searches for clothes in his bag.

“Holden,” I urge, hugging the towel to myself. I step towards him, running my hand over his back, “are you jealous?” I ask carefully, wincing when I feel the muscles in his back tense up.

“No,” he bites but even I can see his jaw working as he pulls out a pair of briefs.

“Hey,” I say softly, stepping closer because even though I can feel the tension radiating off of him, I’m not going to let whatever this is slip between our closing cracks. “This only works if you talk to me. I don’t know how to make you feel better if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Holden runs a hand over his face and lets out something between a sigh and growl, the frustration in his eyes evident as he finally looks at me. “It’s not anything that you did,” he pauses for a moment and stares at me before reaching out his hand and tugging me to him.

He sits on the edge of the bed, urging me to sit next to him. “Things between Wolfe, Cole, and I haven’t been the same since you showed up.” I move to pull my hands from him, my lips falling open slightly to protest that statement but I’m cut off with his lips against mine. “It’s not your fault,” he reassures, silencing me. “I wasn’t–haven’t been the most trustworthy since I got out. They’re leery of me having something that I could very possibly ruin, especially when that something is you.”

“You aren’t going to ruin me, Holden.” I reply with conviction, “Cole and Dex will need to realize that they aren’t my keepers and they aren’t my jailers. They’re my friends and I am gratefulthat they want to protect me, but protecting me fromyouisn’t an option I’ll let them have.” The corners of my mouth turn up as I take his face into my hands. “I won’t let them and you shouldn’t either.”

Holden chuckles as his hands cover mine, intertwining our fingers and bringing my hands to his lips, kissing each finger. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a tiny bit stubborn?”

I laugh. “Maybe a few times.”

He grins before leaning into me, capturing my lips in his, making the butterflies in my chest swarm and flutter. A feeling that I’m getting used to and at the same time, not. I never felt this way with Jeremy. It always felt like walking on broken glass. Painful and on edge. Being with Holden feels like floating on a cloud when we aren’t arguing which, over the last few days, has been less and less.

I'm learning to speak my mind again. To not shut down at the first sign of trouble and sink into myself. I've noticed a change in Holden as well, usually with some urging and my hands calming his tense muscles. He's begun to open up to me and show me a softness that I haven't seen in a really long time.

His lips glide over my own and I pull back gently. He’s given me space to tell him on my own what happened that night, and for the years prior, but I have to also live by the words that fell from my lips. If this is going to work, I have to be open and honest with him.No More Secrets.

“I want to show you something,” I say softly, pulling from his grasp and moving to my suitcase, which is still packed, making a mental note to put things away later. I quickly step into a pair of underwear and tug a tank top over my body, ignoring the dull ache in my side.

Digging my hand into the bag I know my past is hidden in, I freeze as my fingers wrap around the plush stuffed animal. I slowly pull it from my bag, staring down at the bright gold eyesand light-colored blue spots that decorate the giraffe’s body. It feels like my heart is stepping into another world, staring down at one of the only reminders of what I’ve lost. My stomach aches as I turn back to Holden. His brows furrow but his gorgeous worried blue eyes are glued on the animal in my hands.

I make my way back to the bed and climb onto the mattress, sitting cross-legged in front of him. My fingers fiddle with the small ear as I search for the right words to say. Painfully aware that I’m tugging at what feels like healing stitches when I start.

“I wanted to name him after my father, George,” I say softly, sucking in a breath. “Jeremy hated it, said it was an old man’s name.”

Holden reaches for me, his fingers wrapping around my calf giving it a reassuring squeeze as my eyes flicker to his. I feel the familiar burn behind my eyes watching his own softening with my words. He hasn’t said anything and before he can offer me any sentiments I shake my head,

“He had been so on edge that morning, I should’ve–” I sigh. “For a few weeks before that day, everything had been normal again. He was loving, came home at a decent time, and didn’t question every little thing I did. I had my freedom back for the first time in months.”

I set the giraffe between us, watching as Holden uses his free hand to pick it up and inspect it over. His eyes flicker to me and I can see the tornado of sadness and anger swirling in them but even more it feels like they’re begging me to continue.

“It had to have been something at work that threw him back into his anger. It was always something with work. A bad bust, reprimand for excessive force, the list was long with Jeremy and yet they kept him around.” I shake my head. “He wasn’t a good cop.” I glance up at him, the warning low in my voice “He did things off the books that he shouldn’t have. He and his partners had their own form of justice that the department letslide because it was working to bring down some of the worst humans. They just ignored the fact that they had some of those worst beings working for them.”

His hand squeezes my calf again. “How do you know all of that?” Holden gently asks.

“Like I said, he wasn’t a good cop in any sense of the word.” I shift on the bed, tucking my hair behind my ear. “He left paperwork lying around, took calls in front of me, and didn’t try to hide what he and his buddies were doing.” A harsh hollow chuckle leaves me, “I guess he figured I wouldn’t say anything so long as he kept me in line.”

“Jesus, Kade,” Holden breathes, his hands unmoving on my skin.

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