Page 48 of All Our Ghosts

My tongue runs over my bottom lip as I draw circles on her shoulder blade, slow and soft, scared that if I stop she’ll vanish into thin air. “Morning.”

Her eyes flutter open. Those jade green hues squint up at me, the sunbathing directly over her, letting the speckles of blue hidden within shine bright.

“You want some coffee?” I ask, forcing myself into a normal conversation and hiding the fact that blush is creeping up my neck at how she looks adorned in my t-shirt and sunlight that only gives light to every little perfectly imperfect freckle and line in her face.

A soft smile spreads across her lips as she rolls onto her side, groaning gently and stretching her limbs. “I could go for somecoffee.” Her lip finds home between her teeth as she stares up at me. “But not before this...”

I swear my stomach flips as her hand rests against my chest and she moves closer to me pressing her lips to mine. I melt into her like sugar in water. My mouth slots over hers pulling a moan from her as she arches into me, her chest presses against mine and hands tangle in my hair.

I pull back, hating myself as I do, “Darlin’ if we keep going I’m not going to be able to stop,” I all but whine, “and as much as I want to,” I pause gauging her reaction as her nails trail along the expanse of my chest, making it difficult to stop, “are you sure you’re ready?”

Her fingers stop, freezing as her eyes meet mine.Fuck. There’s that look again.

“I’m a big girl, Holden,” she says, rolling over onto her back.

“Hey,” I whisper, moving over the top of her, my hands planting on either side of her head. “I know you are,” I reassure, dipping my head to kiss the tip of her nose.

When I pull back her eyes are searching mine as her fingers grasp at my dog tags. “Did you mean what you said last night?” She asks, worry filtering over her face.

Us against the world.

It’s a big ask, a big promise that deep down I’m not sure I’d be able to fulfill but I’ll spend my days trying for her.

“Did you?” I ask, nudging my nose against hers, my voice soft and low.

She tilts her head back into the pillow further to look at me and I lift my head to make it easier for her. I can tell she’s contemplating the words threatening to drip from her tongue.

The confidence I once had in the woman laying below me slowly starts to fade. I can feel my face fall the longer the words hang between us.

“Holden–” she whispers as I start to roll off of her but her hand catches my bicep, stopping me.

My tongue flicks over my bottom lip. “It’s okay… a lot was said last night and I don’t–”

“Ididmean it,” she chokes out, green eyes glistening as she fights back tears. “I’m just…”

I suck in a breath, terrified of the words that she may say. If there’s one thing I know it’s that if she backs out, calling whatever this is amistake, I’ll be shattered. My fingertips trace along her hairline, tucking back the few loose strands behind her ear, forcing myself to focus on anything other than the inevitable heartbreak that’s about to happen.

I can’t be surprised, life always has a way of being really, really good for what feels like a second and then whatever good moment exists is torn away in the next.

Kade’s face crumples gently. “...worried that this is all going to crash and burn..”

I nod softly to hide the disappointment tearing at me.

“It might,” I say truthfully, “and I wish I could promise you that it won’t but–” I pause, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m not making you any promises I can’t keep.” I run my fingers through her hair again, feeling her hands pressing against my bare chest.

Kadence stares up at me with something in her eyes that I’m not familiar with, adoration… Appreciation? I’m not sure but it soothes the cracks I felt only moments before expecting the worst from her.

“You promised to keep me safe…” she whispers. “You don’t know that you can, not really anyway.”

A smile flickers across my lips as I dip my head, ghosting my lips along her jawline, feeling her back arch up into me, only making my earlier refrain that much harder to keep.

“I know I’d die trying.” I respond with as much confidence as I can muster. I lift my head to look at her again as she reaches up and pushes back the hair that has fallen in my face. I really need a haircut. As much as I don’t mind the long hair it doesn’t quite feel like me.

She worries her bottom lip between her teeth as she stares up at me. “We’ve known each other for a week.”

I nod, “feels longer.”

“Why is that?” She asks softly, the smile returning to her face. “I’ve never…” She stops herself, her eyes flickering from mine to my dog tags.

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