Page 69 of Ordinary Girl

“You don’t know this life, Ana.”

“I’m a fast learner.”

“Jesus…”

I walk around the room, running my fingertips over the cold, dark, wooden table. “So, this is where you make all those important decisions, huh?”

When he looks at me this time there’s a hint of confusion on his face. But he doesn’t say anything.

“Why haven’t you gone after the people who killed my mama?”

“Because it’s complicated.”

I stare at him: let a couple of beats pass. “Is that some kind of stock answer you men give to people like me to try and make us shut up?”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Ana?”

“I want retribution, Skip. For my mama’s death. For the death of her unborn baby.Yourunborn baby. My brother or sister.”

I see a flicker of something cross his face, an emotion I’m not sure this man lets himself feel too often, but he’s feeling it now.

“You want it too, right? You want them to pay for what they did? What they took from me. What they took from you.”

I don’t need him to say the words, I can see it all in his face. “Of course I do,” he says quietly. “But it isn’t that simple.”

“Why not?”

He turns his head away again, his hand back rubbing the nape of his neck. It’s almost a nervous reaction, is there something he isn’t telling me?

“Why did you change your hair, Ana? The way you dress, your makeup, it’s all changed. Why did you do that?”

“I needed to put my old life behind me. I needed to lay the old me to rest before I could finally move on.”

“And you’ve done that now, have you? You’ve moved on?”

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” I take a breath. “No more babysitters, Skip. No more shadowing me everywhere I go, no getting people to keep an eye on me, that’s finished.”

“Hey, missy, you don’t get to make the fucking rules around here.”

“Why do you care so much anyway, if you’re not going to be President for much longer?”

He looks genuinely thrown. He’s not used to people talking back to him, and especially not women, I get that, but it’s time I found my voice.

“You’re just like your mama, do you know that?”

This time, when our eyes lock, the darkness has gone in his. The kindness is back. For a moment or two. And it’s all I can do not to let the tears that are threatening fall, but I don’t. I blink them back and hope he didn’t see that split second of weakness.

“I want to be able to go and visit her grave without having to ask permission. I want to be able to go for a walk without Kit or Cady or Jep having to accompany me. I want Freja to be able to leave me alone in the house safe in the knowledge that I’ll still be there when she gets back. I’m not going anywhere, Skip.”

“Come on, Ana…” he sighs, and I know I’m pushing him. But I need to do this. I need to be strong.

“I want you to get that revenge: retribution, whatever you want to call it. I want you to get that, Skip. For mama.”

“I’m going to get it, Ana, don’t you worry. It’s happening.”

He means that. Whatever he said about it being complicated, I know he’ll do whatever is necessary, that’s one thing I can be sure of.

“But I want you to think about coming with me, when I leave.”

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