Page 70 of Ordinary Girl

“Is that a condition?”

“No. But staying here, it isn’t safe. It isn’t where you should be–”

“It’s where Iwantto be.”

“It isn’t safe. Ana, you need to listen to me. There are things going down that could mean shit gets a whole lot more dangerous around here, so when I say it isn’t safe, I’m not doing that just for effect. I mean it.”

“And you can say it a thousand times, I still won’t change my mind.”

He walks over to the window: looks out of it. “He isn’t good for you, Ana. That’s why I told him to back off.”

“And you had no right to do that.”

He turns back around. “I love you like a daughter, you know that, right? You’re my fucking family. I’m trying to protect you, that’s all.”

“I get that, I do, but it still doesn’t give you the right to decide who I get to spend time with. And I know you care, and I love that you do, I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. You kept me safe when I needed to be looked after, but I don’t need that anymore. I just need to be able to live this new life I’ve been forced to live, the wayIwant to live it.”

“There was a time when you would’ve done anything to escape.”

“And that time’s gone. It’s passed.”

“Because you and Joel fucked?”

I don’t respond to that. It doesn’t warrant a response. And he gets that, and sighs, and the look on the face tells me everything. He can’t argue anymore. Can’t fight this.

“Are you really leaving?”

He nods, resignation taking over every inch of him, his body language is loud and real. “I can’t do it anymore, Ana. I just thought you and I… I thought we could go do something better. Start a life somewhere new, maybe Norway or Sweden, I don’t know. Anywhere you want to, really.”

“You’ll still be my family, Skip. You leaving, that doesn’t mean I’m saying goodbye, I don’t want that.”

“You don’t?”

I shake my head, and he smiles, and it’s obvious now that this man really is nice and kind beneath this hard exterior he’s created.

“I still want you to come with me. Joel taking over as President, it puts a bigger target on his back, and if you two…” He stops talking: turns away again. “He’s older than you, Ana.”

“Yeah, I know, I can count. And it’s fourteen years, Skip. It’s nothing.”

He faces me. Comes toward me. “You know some of the things he’s done…”

“Don’t do that, Skip. Please. I get that there are things going on that I don’t need to see. Don’t need to know about. But doing this, it really won’t change my mind.”

“Do you love him?”

“No, I don’t love him, it’s too soon for anything like that.”

“So, you’re making these decisions on the fact you’ve slept together a couple of times, and you’re hedging your bets on some kind of happy-ever-after?”

“Don’t be fucking patronizing.”

“You need to watch your mouth, kiddo.”

I take a step back. He’s gone from kind and understanding to angry and cold in the blink of an eye. But it’s frustration, that’s all it is. He doesn’t like being challenged, because people have spent too much time being scared to do that. Scared to challenge him. My mama tried. I’m trying, too.

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, heavily, leaning back against the table, his fingers gripping the edge. “I’m sorry, I’m just… I feel defeated.” He shrugs, and I lean back against the wall and look at him. Watch him. “I’ve handled this all wrong. I should’ve gone for those assholes sooner: wiped their sorry asses from the face of the earth, but I hesitated. I waited.”

“Why?”

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