Page 50 of Toy Boy

“Clichés, Scott, that’s all they are. Platitudes that are, what?” She shrugs. “Supposed to make me believe you reallyarechanged man?”

“I never gave us a chance. I never really knew how good we could be together, I threw it all away and I regret that, so much.”

“Too late.”

Is it? I’m not sure. The more I look at her, the more I can see something in her eyes that gives me hope, albeit the tiniest amount. She’s fighting something, and I can only hope that it’s her feelings for me…

Megan

I want to get up and walk out of here but I know that’ll only draw more attention, and there’s enough of that focused on us already.

“You and this – this Xander. Are you really just friends?”

He isn’t going to leave this alone, and that’s exactly why I should get up and go. Now. “I’m not doing this, Scott.”

“How old is he?”

“And exactly how is this supposed to make me think you’ve changed?”

“Younger than you. Right?”

That’s not really a question, because it’s obvious Xander’s younger than me. “I said, I’m not doing this.”

He sits back and looks around him, and for a fleeting moment I remember that night, the night I met him again, three years after my operation. How people had flocked around him, but he stood out from any crowd because of the man he was – handsome in a way that could only be described as breathtaking, I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off him.

“You had your hands inside of me…”

His head shoots back around, and I suddenly realise that I said that out loud. Now he knows I was thinking about him.

Way to go, Megan!

“Yes. I did. I held your heart until it started beating again, and that’s always going to connect us, Megan.”

What have I done? I didn’t want to remember how perfect I’d once thought he was, because that was the problem. That was the mistake I made, thinking he was perfect, just because he put me back together. Did I fall in love with him for all the wrong reasons…?

“I should go.” I say the words, but I don’t actually make a move to leave. And he doesn’t put up a protest or try to stop me.

“When I tell you I’ve changed, Megan, I mean that. And you can choose to believe it or not, but it’s the truth. Things happened, when I was away…”

He stops talking; drops his head, and now I’m not going anywhere. How can I? He wanted to talk to me, and now we’ve got the meaningless shit out of the way I think he might finally be getting around to telling me what he really brought me here to say. And I don’t have to listen to it, and it would probably be better if Ididleave now, but I’m not going to. I’m going to give him a chance, and hope he doesn’t waste it.

“What things, Scott? What happened?”

He raises his head, and his eyes fall back on mine, and when I look at him I hate that feelings I never wanted to associate with this man ever again are trying ridiculously hard to push their way back into my head.

“I nearly lost everything.”

He drops his gaze again, starts fiddling with the corners of a paper napkin, and I swear, I’ve never seen him like this before. Never. And that’s so fucking unsettling.

“I lost a patient.” He looks back up, and there’s a sadness in his eyes that makes me feel like I’m talking to a different man, and I know I have to remember that everything he’s telling me here… Is it the truth? He’s a manipulator, I know that, and I have no idea whether this is just another one of his games. But there’s something, somewhere deep inside of me, that’s telling me this isn’t a game. I really don’t think it’s a game.

“You lose patients, Scott. It’s the territory that comes with the job you do, and sometimes you can’t help that.”

He shakes his head and stares out of the window, and I gaze at his perfect profile… There’s that word again. Perfect. Despite everything, am I still seeing him as that? Perfect?

“This one was different. I believe I could’ve saved them, I just… I didn’t.”

I don’t know what to say. “What happened?”

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