Page 49 of Toy Boy

“It went okay. I think everyone enjoyed themselves.”

She lays her fork down and I know that’s all I’m getting in the way of being eased in gently. “What do you want to talk about, Scott?”

Straight to the point, as always. But, you know, two can play at that game. “Are you seeing anyone?”

She stares at me, her eyes narrowing, her expression telling me she wasn’t expecting that question. Good. Catch her unawares, she’s so much easier to read that way.

“Seriously?”

“It’s just a question.”

“It’s also none of your business.”

“This new guy, the one who’s looking after Ray’s surf shop for the summer… I saw you, together, at The Swan.”

She sits back, but her gaze never leaves mine, and her expression remains stoic, she isn’t flinching in the slightest. “Are you spying on me?”

“I was at our local pub, Megan, same as you. And I just happened to see you and him…”

“And you jumped to what you imagine to be the obvious conclusion.”

“You looked pretty cosy.”

She drops her head, looks down into her lap, and laughs quietly. “Okay…” She raises her gaze, her eyes meeting mine. “Again, this is none of your business, but, we weren’t together, in the sense that you assumed we were. We both just happened to be there, at the same time, and I asked him to join me, as a friend. Have you got a problem with me having friends?”

“Jesus, Megan, you know I haven’t.”

But this man, he isn’t just a “friend”. He isn’t. He’s more than that, I know he is, I just wanted her to say the words. But she doesn’t seem to want to say them to me, is that a good sign?

She picks up her water and takes a sip. “Then this conversation is over. Was that it? Was that all you wanted to talk about?”

“I still love you, Megan.”

“I don’t care.”

“Just tell me the truth. Are you and this man…?”

“Xander. His name is Xander.”

I lean forward, and our eyes are still locked, and all I can think about is how crazy-beautiful my ex-wife is. “The thought of you with someone else is killing me.”

“I hope it hurts like hell.”

It does. She’ll be happy about that.

“It doesn’t have to be like this. We could put the past behind us, start again… Megan, believe me, I’m sorry for what I did to you. I’m so fucking sorry. And I know that sorry probably doesn’t even begin to cut it, but it’s all I have. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything. But, you know? Thanks for the apology. It’s just a couple of years too late, that’s all.”

I briefly drop my gaze, she’s not making this easy. Not that I thought she would, but there was a part of me that hoped time may have healed a little of the pain I caused her.

“I was wrong, on so many levels, I wasn’t a good man. You deserved better. But I need you to know that I never stopped loving you. And I need you to know that I’ve changed…”

She throws herself back in her seat and looks away again, shaking her head, and the laugh she gives this time is tinged with cynicism.

“You’ve changed…” Her eyes are back on mine, and the look she gives me confuses me. “You can say what you like, Scott, but I don’t have to believe a word of it.”

“I love you, Megan. And every day I was away from this place I missed you. But it gave me time to think, time to…”

---