Page 123 of Toy Boy

“I’m not going to push you into anything, Megan, and I don’t expect you to tell me…”

“You should probably go now, Xander. I need to think. And I – I should get back to the pub. People will be wondering where I am.”

“Okay.” The despondency in his voice is all too evident, and for a moment I falter. I think about asking him to stay, but then I remember what day it is; I remember that I’ve already moved on with my life, without him, but now that he’s back… How could I know he’d come back…? “I’ll head back to the B&B.”

“Maybe you should think about going home, Xander. Back to Australia.”

“I’m not sure Australia is my home anymore, Megan. Too much has changed. I want something different now.”

He looks into my eyes and I’m this close to telling him, yes, I want to be with him too, but I’m not sure that I do. I can’t make that decision right now.

“Where will you go?”

I’m talking like this is over;we’reover. But how can something be over when it never really begun?

“Back to Sweden, for a while. That’ll give me time and space to think… Look, Megan, I don’t want us…”

“Don’t say any more, Xander. Please.”

I stand up, so does he, and when we turn to face each other he tentatively reaches for my hand but I pull it back. I don’t want him to touch me. If he touches me things change, and I want to think about this with as clear a head as possible. And today, my head’s anything but clear.

“I should go.”

He nods, and I start to walk away, I don’t look back. I keep going until I see The Swan and then I push Xander to the back of my mind, because I have to. Today. Tomorrow, well, that could be a very different story…

23

Megan

“Penny for them?”

Tania’s voice startles me to the point where I jump slightly, I’d been miles away there.

“Sorry, Megan, I didn’t meant to scare you.”

“I can’t believe I drifted off like that.” I glance around the café, it’s still early, just gone eight-fifteen in the morning, we’ve only been open half an hour so there are only a handful of tables occupied right now, although, it’s getting steadily busier as the breakfast rush picks up pace. Thankfully, though, it was Tania who disturbed me. What if a customer had come to the counter? I can’t afford to be distracted like this, but Xander turning up like he did, out of the blue, that’s a distraction I can’t avoid.

“Something on your mind?”

It’s been almost a week since Scott’s funeral. Almost a week since Xander came back to Beachcastle Bay, I haven’t seen him since. And he hasn’t tried to contact me, which I’m grateful for, he knows I need time. I just didn’t think I’d need this much.

“Yes. There is.”

“If you’ve got a few minutes, I’m a great listener. And I don’t have to be at work until ten this morning, so, you know. I’m here, if you need me.”

“If you don’t have to be at work until ten, what the hell are you doing up this early?”

She leans back against the counter and looks out of the window, out at the harbour springing into life, the sun shining down from a mostly clear blue sky.

“Scott’s death, it’s brought a lot of things into perspective. Made me look at my life a little differently. We didn’t see it coming, and it makes you think about your own mortality.” Her eyes are back on mine, and she smiles to try and lighten the mood. “I want to start living more, Megan, that’s all. So much of my time was given over to work, and I don’t want that to be the case anymore. I want to grab every single second of every single day because life is too fucking short. And you more than anyone should know that.”

She’s right. I should. And her words have hit a nerve, and I think I needed that small push.

“Go grab a table outside and I’ll fetch us some coffees. You hungry?”

“Why else do you think I’m here? Why make breakfast yourself when you have a friend with a café that serves the best bacon sandwiches in the country?”

“I think you might be overselling the bacon sandwiches somewhat.”

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