Page 74 of Beautiful Dangerous

No, he’s wrong, I didn’t. And I shake my head as I fight to keep the tears at bay, tears that will make me appear weak, but I can’t stop a few from escaping, and I’m so angry at myself for allowing that to happen. “I had no choice, Javier, and you know that. I loved you, like I’d never loved anyone before, this all-consuming, powerful, terrifying love, so I hid my grief and I ran the business for you, because that was my job. My duty. To keep your memory alive. To keep the cartel alive. And every day I prayed to a god I’m not even sure I believe in to bring you back to me, even though I knew I was asking for the impossible.” I throw my head back and laugh, a hollow, empty, humorless laugh. “Who knew he was listening all along, huh?”

“Olivia, baby, please…”

“No. No, Javier, don’t tell me it’ll all be okay, don’t tell me you understand, you don’t, understand. You can’t.”

That anger is still rising, but I’m desperately trying to bring it under control now.

“Okay. I get it. I do, this is crazy and sudden and it’s difficult to get your head around, I really do get that. But this is a crazy world.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

My voice is calmer now, the anger’s subsiding, but that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to be okay with any of this. I’m not. I’m not sure I ever will be.

Because you don’t want to be.

I don’t want to be…

“I’m sorry,” I sigh, even though I don’t think I have a thing to apologize for, whereas he has so much. “Sorry that your return wasn’t the fanfare-laden spectacle I’m sure you’d hoped it would be, but sometimes… sometimes we need to be careful of the things we wish for.”

“Olivia…”

“I’m going to The Garden, Javier. I’m going to work.”

And he doesn’t stop me. Doesn’t even try to, and I hope that means he’ll give me a little more time, time I need to figure this mess out. Time I need to talk to Lucca. Time I need to make some of the most dangerous decisions I may ever have to make…

Fifteen

Olivia

“What are you doing here? I thought you were permanently glued to Javier’s side now he’s back?”

Lucca half smiles and leans back against the counter, sliding his hands into his pockets. “He sent me here to make sure you were alright.”

I look at him out the corner of my eye, the edges of my mouth turning up slightly. “Did he tell you I’d had some sort of meltdown?”

He laughs and drops his head, shaking it. “No, he didn’t.” He looks up, and his eyes meet mine, and my breath catches in my throat.

You have to stop this.

I’m trying!

Not hard enough…

I’m trying…

“Did you?”

“Did I what?” I ask, as I continue to unpack a box of golden tequila. Javier’s favorite.

“Have a meltdown.”

“No.”

We smile at each other again, and for a moment I forget where we are;whowe are, and it’s the most beautiful, precious moment. But it can’t last.

“I called him out. I might’ve got a bit upset, which I’m so fucking annoyed about, I should’ve been stronger than that.”

I lean back against the counter beside Lucca, crossing my arms against my chest, staring out onto the busy street outside; the restaurant floor full of diners enjoying late lunches.

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