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It felt like he was about to fall apart for no rational reason.

But he couldn’t help fearing he was about to lose everything.

Everything.

Eve moved over beside him. Put a hand on his back. Her voice was urgent and wobbly as she said, “I’m so sorry, Jude. Please don’t be upset. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to mess up like that.”

He made a rough sound in his throat and straightened up to stare at her. “Mess up?Mess up?Damn it, Eve. What the hell do you even think is going on here?”

“I… I don’t know.” She was visibly holding back sobs. She wrapped her arms around herself as she took a few ragged breaths to steady herself. “I’m sorry. I keep saying everything wrong. But I’ve been… been trying to give you space. I know what you’re going through is a huge… huge upheaval. And you need time to… to…”

He gaped at her, so much emotion and confusion coursing through him that it felt like the top might fly off his head. “I need time towhat?”

“To… to decide. What you want.” She was shaking now. Staring down at the floor and still hugging herself.

“Do you mean about us?” he rasped, leaning forward to try to see her expression. “You’re trying to give me time to decide what I want aboutus?”

She nodded mutely.

“I already know what I want,” he burst out, still trying to figure out what was even happening here. “I told you I love you. You think it’s going to go away?”

“I… I didn’t know.” She straightened up, her face changing. There was something like hope and excitement in her eyes,although her mouth was still twisting uncertainly. “We were supposed to just have three months. It’s different now that you’re going to live a long life. Maybe you don’t want… you don’t want to be with me… all that time.”

“Oh my God,” he muttered, rubbing at his eyes as if that might clear up his thinking. “Oh my God, Eve.”

“What?” She sounded almost indignant now. “You don’t have to act like I’m brainless or something. You’ve been acting different. Kind of standoffish.”

“Standoffish?We’ve spent all day together for days now!”

“I know, but it’s felt different. Like there’s a… a distance. And I didn’t know why. So I figured it must be because your feelings might not… might not hold up to this new situation.” She glared at him. “Don’t you dare say it’s all in my mind because it’s not.”

He leaned over again, his shoulders starting to shake. He covered his face with his hands.

“Oh my God,” she mumbled, rubbing his back and leaning closer to him. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I’ve been really confused. And scared. I love you so much and I thought you’d be… you’d be happier about spending a longer life with me, but you haven’t really acted happy. So I’m trying to give you space and not pressure you, but I guess my nerves have kind of leaked out. Please don’t be upset, Jude.”

He was still shaking, but he lowered his hands so she could see he was laughing. He wasn’t upset at all.

She stiffened. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No, angel.” He reached out to take her face in his hands. “I’m laughing at us. Because I’ve been going through the exact same thing.”

“What exact thing?”

“I couldn’t understand why you didn’t seem happier, so I kept obsessing over the fact that I trapped you in marriage forfar longer than you ever agreed to. I thought your feelings might have changed.”

“They haven’t! I still love you, Jude. More than anything.” Her eyes were blazing now. Warmth and excitement and affection. Something like awe. “I want to spend years and years and years with you.”

“That’s what I want too,” he murmured. “I want a whole long lifetime with you.”

She made a little choking sound. “You do?”

“Of course. It took dying for me to realize all the ways I hadn’t been living, but I understand now. I know for sure what I want. I love you too. I always will. And I want to really live from now on. With you.”

So he didn’t end up going on a run at all that morning. He stayed in bed with Eve for a couple of hours, kissing and talking and laughing and eventually making love with slow, tender languor.

They talked about how and why they’d been afraid to admit their feelings. They talked about what would happen now. What they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. How they would manage next month when Eve had to go back to university to finish her PhD.

And when they finally got up, showered, and dressed to go to Mass, there was no longer any doubt. They’d sorted through the last of their insecurities.

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