Page 62 of The County Fair Queen

"It's Rivers," she agreed, looking remorseful. "Alright, Phil, I want you to initiate. You'll tell Rivers that you'll cherish the time you've spent together, and if the situation was different, you could imagine a life with him. Rivers, you'll bat those dreamy eyes of yours at him and look heartbroken and lost." She stared at him. "Exactly. Just like that. Then I want a kiss. A real one, not one of those fake-outs you've been giving me. The viewers are going to want to see passion. Give them as much as you can."

"Alright," I said.

"What?" she said.

"I said, alright."

Brenda/Carole blinked at me, cocking her head to the side. "That's it? You're not going to fight me on it?"

I turned and looked at Rivers. "Will you kiss me? I know it's on camera, but I…" I closed my eyes and sighed, knowing how pathetic I was about to sound. "This might be our last chance, and I would really like to kiss you, Rivers." Slowly opening my eyes, I tried to read his expression. Warmth. That's how it felt. Like I was standing in sunshine, bathed in his light. "Please?"

Rivers reached up, touching my cheek. "I'd be honored, Firecracker."

"Good," Brenda/Carole said. "Alright, let's get this show on the road. Break a leg and break the viewers' hearts." With that, she slinked off and stood beside the cameraman, giving us two thumbs up.

Snapping into character, I stared at Rivers. I reached for the bowl of muscadines, taking one out and holding it in front of his mouth.

"Rivers," I said, so light and low that I didn't know if the microphones had even caught it. Rivers heard it, though. His eyes slammed shut, his mouth opening to take the grape like a substitute for the one thing I couldn't let him keep. He chewed it slowly, and as he did, I stroked his cheek, brushing away a tear that had fallen. "Please don't cry."

"I'm okay," he said, though he didn't sound okay at all. "We knew this wasn't permanent."

"If things had been different… I wish things were different."

"Me too." Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking back tears. "So, you're going, then?"

I nodded. "Tomorrow morning."

He took a muscadine from the bowl and held it out for me. I didn't want a grape, though. What I wanted was the man sittingacross from me. The boy with matching names. The greatest mayor to have ever reigned over Tallulah, Texas.

My county fair king.

Opening my mouth, I allowed him in. The muscadine skin was cool against my tongue. I knew there was a burst of flavor waiting for me inside of it, but rather than crack the flesh, I let it sit on my tongue. If I didn't bite down, maybe we could stay in this moment. The world would go quiet around us, the scent of cotton candy would cling to the air, and Rivers Rivera's fingertip would never leave my lips.

"I'm going to miss you, you know," he said. "Promise me something. Don't shut yourself off again. I know you think you're just broken pieces, but you're not. You've got a good heart, Firecracker. A strong one. Don't let it go to waste." His hand squeezed mine harder than it ever had, like he was trying to shove his sincerity into me by touch. "You're worthy of love, baby. You deserve to be loved. What I said yesterday, about regretting you coming home—"

"Listen kids, you can't reference anything that happened off camera. The viewers won't know what you're talking—" Brenda/Carole started before being cut off.

"Shut up," he growled. "Just shut up with your directing and let me talk to him." His hand gently gripped the side of my throat, his nails dragging against the back of my neck. "I don't regret anything. Not a single second since you came home. What I regret is not telling you how I felt when we were kids. Those awful, terrible things I said to you in jail; that's what I regret. I didn't mean them." He rushed his words out, like he was scared that if he didn't say them quickly enough, he may never get the chance to say them again. "I didn't, Phillip. You know that, don't you? I don't think you're a mistake. You'renota mistake."

"I know. Rivers, I know." I stared down at his hand, now resting over my heart. Could he feel how hard it was beating?Did he know it would only ever beat for him? "I wish I could make it better."

He was quiet for a moment. So quiet, I worried Brenda/Carole might interject, demanding he pick up the pace. She didn't, though. She let us get lost in the moment. Eventually, our eyes met, and the desperation in his matched the hopelessness in mine. "Please, don't go. Just stay with me, Phillip. I'll make it good for you, I promise. I'll make it so good for you. We could be happy together, couldn't we? Beau loves you. I… I care for you. You can feel it too. I know you do."

"I can't stay, Riv."

"Then we can just do long distance for now. It works for other people. It can work for us, can't it? You'll come back and visit me, and then I can come and see you. You can show Beau and me around England, and when you're down here, we can just pick up where we left off." I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "Please?"

I shook my head. "You're going to make someone so happy one day. I know you will."

"I can makeyouhappy. You just have to give me the chance."

"No, you can't. Because I'm not cut out for this. I don't want it, Rivers. I don't want—"You,is what I needed to say. What I could never say to him. "I can't tie myself down. My career is finally picking back up. I can't give that up again. Not for Tallulah. Not even for you. I wish I could, but I—"

He launched into motion, rising to his knees and hobbling toward me with no care for his own comfort. He knocked over the bowl of grapes, sending them scattering across the blanket. Before I could brace myself, he was sitting on top of me, straddling my lap. His hands cupped each side of my face, and he leaned in until our noses touched. I could smell funnel cake still fresh on his breath.

"I'll make it so good for you, I promise." Then, as if he was trying to prove his sincerity, he slammed his mouth against mine, sucking my bottom lip between his. His fingers threaded through my hair, curling into a fist and pulling me as close as he could get me. It was like he was trying to swallow me whole. Like he was trying to render me immobile so I couldn't run off. I didn't want to run. I wanted to stay on the lonely little blanket for the rest of my life. Wrap myself up in him until the only things left in the world were our meeting mouths and mingling breaths.

He fed me my name on an endless loop, each variation more insistent than the last. When our tongues twirled for the first time, it was like explosions. Fireworks sparkling in the darkened sky. The world spinning on its axis at lightning speed. Cotton candy and muscadine wine. The county fair queen and her heartbroken king.

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