Page 83 of Obey

I want to do it, need to even. But I’m freaking all the way out, not just a little. He’s going to be everything I need him to be, I have no doubt, but what do I wear? How do I wait around knowing I’m about to have a man’s penis inside my body?

A literal scream rips from my body when someone knocks the door.

“It’s only me, Half-Pint.” There’s humor in his voice.

When he steps inside, I’m wringing my hands in front of my body, wishing I’d gotten drunk before he came over. How I’ve managed not to climb the walls is anyone’s guess. Well, actually, that’s not true, the faint lingering scent of citrus in the air reminds me I spent hours today cleaning, and re-cleaning my whole space.

“Breathe.” His voice is firm as he takes me in. He keeps his distance, probably so he doesn’t crowd me. That, or he’s afraid I’m going to lose my mind, or breakdown into tears. In truth, it could go either way.

I force out a breath.

“Good.” He guides me to the couch. “You clean today?” His nose wrinkles.

“That obvious?”

He nods. “We don’t have to do anything you’d rather not do. You know that, right?”

“I do. Know that, and want to, I mean.”

He pulls me onto his lap, inhaling the scent from my hair and skin. “We didn’t talk about birth control.”

“I’ve been on birth control since I slept with Harry. Mama and Dad weren’t going to take the chance I’d end up barefoot and pregnant if their lectures and sermons didn’t do the trick.”

He nods. “I prefer not using condoms. But it’s not my decision to make. I have my recent STD-STI screening. I generally get it done quarterly, and again after I sleep with someone for the first time, just to be sure. It’s been a while.”

He pulls out his phone and forwards me his results. “But if you’d rather I use protection, I absolutely will. I brought some in case.”

“Even though you don’t like it?”

He nods. “But I’m not pressuring you either way. You want it, it’ll happen.”

I go quiet, listening to the repetitive rhythm of his heart thump-thumping in his chest. It takes a long moment but I trust him enough that if I change my mind in the moment, he’ll do whatever I ask of him.

“I’m not ready.” My shaky voice is barely a whisper. As much as I want to change, be different, stand tall as New Talia, it’s still such a hard adjustment from the mindset that I should only have sex with someone I love. I guess that’s what my younger self stitched into the fabric of my parents’ teachings.

No sex before marriage, to me, has meant no sex with anyone you’re not in love with.

“That’s totally okay.” He strokes my face. “I have a feeling you’re more than worth the wait.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

TALIA

I don’t know what I’m more anxious about, having a double date with his friends, meeting his parents, or his parents and my parents having dinner together.

All of these things are on the calendar over the next couple weeks. It’s tempting to get everything lined up one after the other and rip off the Band-Aid, but that would send my guy rocking in the corner.

As soon as his mom heard about me, she wanted to meet me. In fact, Jagger said she offered to drive over right then and there, but he had to assure her we weren’t physically together when he called. We’ve spread out the social commitments so Jagger can build himself up to facing them one by one.

Despite being anxious about the new people, I live for hanging out with people and getting to know them. This is one hundred percent my jam. I even managed to find the Stitch ‘n Bitch group of old ladies from the hotel, and they’re going to teach me to knit at their weekly get together.

As much as I already love Kenzie, her other half, Austin, is intimidating. He’s just so... serious.

In the past week Jagger fixed Bessie, though he offered no fewer than twelve times to send her to the scrap heap and replace her for me, and I started writing my first ever novel.

I’ve also hung out with Kenzie and the girls once as well. They’re so nice. I’ve never really been in a space where women champion women. They have this close-knit, readymade girl gang that’s daunting as well. I never presumed to cram my way into their space, but I didn’t have to.

I’m sure they have their own friendships outside of the group, but they launched me into the Sub-Club group chat like I’ve always been a part of their world. It’s nice, and reassuring. I have a lot of questions bubbling inside about the lifestyle I’m dipping my toes into, and they provide a no-judgment space for me to do that.

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