Page 71 of Obey

“You’re not making me swear just because I’m upset with you.” At least that’s what I try to say but his thumb makes it sound mumbled.

“You’re right again. That’s an excuse. It’s easy to say I was scared you’d run. But I know better. I see your new found strength, and it’s amazing. I’m scared because I’m scared. The last time I let a woman into my heart beyond playing downstairs, she ripped it out of my chest.” His voice breaks. “And if I’m honest with myself.” He clears his throat.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to say it wasn’t really love, because it was. I loved my wife. But things with her were different. I was different.”

Someone outside the door says “Wife?” and someone else clearly smacks them because there’s a thump, an “ow,” and a “shut up,” all in quick succession.

Jagger shakes his head. “I hadn’t explored this side of myself before. So I guess the best way for me to describe it is to say the love I had for my wife was incomplete, because I was incomplete. You know? It’s like there was a piece of myself I didn’t knowabout yet. And she passed away before we could explore that space together.”

“She died?” Mackenzie’s voice is laden with pain. There’s another thump, an “ow,” and a “Stop fucking doing that,” on the other side of the door.

Jagger sighs. “But with you, I know who I am. And the possibility of there being more between us means there’s a chance for more pain, too. I didn’t know what to do with that. So I ran from it. Literally. I bolted from the hotel, and then fell flat on my ass. How’s that for karma?”

He shows me his elbow where there’s a scabby cut still-healing.

I’m not sure what to say, or how I’m feeling. I’m cranky with him for fleeing the scene of our fledgling... whatever it was. But his declaration makes me think. I know I don’t have one hundred percent of him, but will I ever? Is he capable of giving his entire self over to someone again? How long will I have to wait for him to finally give up those last layers of protection around his heart?

“Look.” He hooks his finger under my chin, and my body melts. They do it all the time in books, and I can see why. That subtle touch, the tiniest act of control, holding eye contact, it makes me warm inside. “You didn’t overthink things. There is something between us. Something I’m scared to pursue, and have probably lost my chance to, but if you’re open to it, I’d like to.”

I can’t fight the smile making my lips flicker. This grumpy, grunty man can be eloquent and adorable when he wants to be.

“I’m sorry.” He plants the gentlest kiss on my forehead, making my eyes close and my heart squeeze. “Really, I am. I should know better. Idoknow better. Can we try again? But without the stupidity and freaking out?”

The giggle is quiet, but he hears it.

“Laughing at me in my hour of need, Half-Pint?”

“I can’t help it. You’re just so big and surly, and you’re talking about being afraid. I can’t imagine you afraid of anything. You’re always so stoic and strong.”

He shakes his head. “And by always, you mean those couple days where we were in close proximity?”

He’s got me there. Always can’t be a couple days.

“Fine. But I feel like there’s not much you’re afraid of.”

“Kids.” He nods, soberly. “Frogs. I have an irrational fear of frogs.”

My chest tightens. I’m not sure what cause he has to go near frogs, but that sounds kinda awful. “Frogs? Is there a name for that?”

He nods again, his face grave. “Rrrrrribbitphobia.”

I burst out laughing, smacking his bicep with my fingers. “You had me.”

He’s chuckling, too. “I really am afraid of frogs.”

“I don’t believe you anymore. You’ve lost my trust with your rrrrribbitphobia.”

“My what?”

“Your rrrr?—”

He’s all-out laughing now.

“Never mind. You’re awful.”

“I am, but apparently you’re into that kind of thing, so you’re stuck with me.”

“Can we go back to your silent smolder? Is that an option?”

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