Page 96 of Drift

“I don’t think I need to, Doc.” He offered a shrug into the quiet of the kitchen. “You asked because you knew I’d say no.”

Halliday nodded. And there it was. “Thank you for being honest with me. I’d have been more concerned if you’d beenopen to continue lying.” He dipped his head, searching Jack’s look. “So can you tell me why you’ll decline the prescription?”

Jack folded his arms and stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. He looked comfortable, but it looked an unsure relaxation into waters he didn’t feel comfortable within, not fully. “If there’s a way to feel what Martin’s thinking, I don’t want that blocking.”

And there it was. Somehow Jack had found a physical way to put a collar on Martin, and he didn’t want it flatlining with medication.

Fuck. It hit home with Gray now why Halliday had wanted him and Jan in on this meeting.

Halliday nodded after a moment. “You saidifthere’s a way tofeelMartin. You didn’t saystopMartin.”

Jack frowned as Gray turned his ear.

“I just said feel,” Jack said eventually, and he shook his head before rubbing at it. “Audio… maybe it’s the fact there’s no audio to go along with the security cameras I’m pushed into viewing things from that’s….” He struggled, so badly. “That’s adding to my mistrust in him. If getting a way in to transcribing audio between us is the only way to finding a way into trust him again, I’m not losing it.”

Halliday narrowed his eyes, not looking happy over something, then eventually said, “There’s room for trust in there?”

Jack snorted. “DID, Doc. I don’t get to pick and choose who answers my call when I crash. Martin answered mine long ago, but he chose to stop. I get that same choice now because I don’t give a shit what excuse he pulled out of his ass over the whys andwhens, he was a dickhead to throw a kid into all this shit. If all we have left is co-existence, I’ll make damn sure it’s a safer and saner walk from here on in, one I can damn well hear and keep my dick out of.”

“But with the audio on, all memories shared? With one comes the other, right?”

Jack frowned. “I…” He paled a little. Gray was right there with him. DID wasn’t a certain path, personalities could be aware of each other or not. And with the latter, there were therapies to try and get the personalities to recognise each other. Jack had tried them all over the years and not managed to break through to Martin. But with how Martin was fashioned through trauma, it seemed like it had taken another trauma to initiate change, for them to show emotional signs of recognition beyond videos and scribbled texts. But would Jack really want to remember everything Martin did? Would he want Martin knowing every part of his life when Jack hid away from most over going social himself? Jack had had years of fighting to clean social off his skin.

“I haven’t thought that far,” Jack said quietly.

Halliday nodded. “Can you take a week to think the different scenarios over, then? Just what you both might be given access to? Then meet me again then to discuss medication?”

Gray stiffened as Jack looked up at Halliday.

“A week?” Tension drained from Jack’s shoulders. “Yeah. Yeah I can do a week of thought, me.”

“Good. I’d like to prescribe painkillers in the mean time to help with the switch now it’s coming faster and causing hurt to you both. That goes for Martin taking them too.” Halliday spoke that last one Gray’s way.

Jack nodded, and Craig handed Halliday his iPad. Something was filled out, no doubt the prescription, and after Halliday handed it back, he got to his feet. “Call when you need it, Jack.”

Not if… when.

“I’ll order these and have them delivered later today.” Craig got to his feet too, then he tapped the table to get Jack’s attention. “Make damn sure you call me too.”

Jack sat up, and it was more the Jack Gray knew sitting there: sorry for all the shit, resigned to all the shit, but breathing an uneasy sigh of relief on how more shit hadn’t come his way for saying no to something that his look cried out he knew he should be damn well taking. He offered a fist-bump Craig’s way, and Craig eventually returned it with a shake of head, a smile.

“I’ll see you out.” Gray indicated to the door. Jan didn’t look happy, but he buried it and went and sat next to Jack. Before he could say anything, Jack slipped a hold around Jan’s neck, pulling him in close, and something was whispered in his ear. It won a frown off Jan, then a kiss at Jack’s lips before a look came Gray’s way. Whatever had been said, it hit a nerve in Jan, and Gray nodded he’d be back in a moment.

He held the door for Halliday and Craig, then headed out, scowling down at the Maine as it brushed on through, for once it not making a beeline to disturb the hold on Jan. Good. The animal was learning.

Taking out his phone and putting a call through to let Ray know Halliday would be heading down to the main gates soon, Gray walked the hall and caught up with Halliday and Craig in his reception area. They stood talking in low tones, and as Gray went over, Craig tipped his head Gray’s way, then headed outside.

It left him and Halliday alone, but that was the whole point.

Halliday met him halfway. “I know you’re not happy over the BP prescription. It’s treating the symptom, not the cause, but—”

Gray shook his head. “If he’d lied and told you he’d take them, it would have opened up talk on sectioning again.” Jack had been lucky Halliday hadn’t called it when he’d seen him a month ago. “The pain killers you prescribed.” Gray wiped at his lip. “Are they strong enough to calm his reactions and cut down on the headaches and nosebleeds? I don’t want either of them hurt.”

“Yes. Along with his anxiety meds, they’ll help calm him down. He’ll be a little drowsy until he adjusts, so talk to him about the usual warnings: no heavy manual labour at work. And with the switch causing physical hurt for both him and Martin, Jack’s driving licence will need to be suspended too.”

Gray buried a groan. Fuck. That would only exacerbate Jack’s reactions. “But you don’t want more intervention than that.”

Halliday eased back. “He doesn’t see it yet. Martin’s best protection of Jack is silence. How he keeps Jack emotionally unconnected to, or in amnesiac state over traumatic events, especially the ones Martin creates in order to keep them both protected. That silence has been built between them for a reason, but like with Jan and his cologne after Vince’s rape, that’s not something anyone can tell Jack. He needs to go through it and listen to why they put each other on mute, why neither of them have filled it in the past. And he needs to do it in surroundings he feels secure within.”

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