Page 57 of Best Kept Secret

The world felt as cold and empty as I did. I'd run out of money to stay in a motel a week after I'd left Beau and Pari. I'd run out of hope long before that.

The last of my minutes on the burner phone had been spent singing to Pari and sending the audio file to Beau a few days ago. That was the last time I heard her voice. The last time I felt like I had any connection to myShona. Beau wouldn't let me near her again. I was sure of it. And Nova and Roxy…they must believe my parents, too. Best to stay away from everyone connected to Beau.

I sat in my car, in a desolate parking lot in downtown Savannah where I'd ended up after driving aimlessly when I left the motel…until I ran out of gas.

I gripped the steering wheel tight, the warm leather biting into my palms.

All I had was a bottle of water that I refilled in the motel's bathroom before I left.

I had to find a job to survive. But…whyshouldI survive?

I was alone. Everything that I had was taken from me. My parents took my childhood. Taking care of Pari and Asha took my hopes for a better life. Beau had taken the only bright lights in my life; my baby girl and his affection. No, it wasn't Beau, it was my parents, I corrected myself.

But Beau should've known that I'd never hurt Pari.

Ultimately, he'd done what everyone in my life except for Asha had. They'd believed my parents over me.

Survive? For what? I had nothing to look forward to. Nothing to live for.

I glanced at the passenger seat, where the trash bag holding my things sat crumpled. Maybe I had enough money for a cup of coffee at an all-night diner. I could sit there as long as they'd let me, try to come up with a plan. Maybe I could even find a job at the diner.

I started rummaging through the trash bag. My hands shook as I found my toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, and the little bag with my things. I pulled it out and opened it. My watch was there. I touched the cracked crystal.

I'm so sorry, Asha. I let you down. I couldn't take care of your baby on my own.

Would she forgive me for leaving our precious Pari with Beau? I knew he'd take care of her. I just hoped he'd never ever let my parents' shadow fall on that beautiful little girl. I looked through the bag, and my hand closed around something cold and solid.

I pulled it out. It was a small prescription bottle. I stared at the label.Asha Sen. Ambien. 10 mg. The bottle was old, but I remembered why it was prescribed to my sister. Toward the end of her life, Asha had trouble sleeping. She was exhausted, in so much pain, and yet sleep eluded her. I'd found her whimpering more than once, her eyes rimmed with red, her body trembling. I'd practically forced her to see the doctor, begging him to give her something—anything—that could bring her a few hours of respite from the pain.

She never took more than a couple; the rest of the pills were still here.

I twisted off the cap with trembling fingers, tipping the bottle into my hand. The pills spilled out, a dozen of them, maybe more. Little white ovals, so small, so insignificant. But there was a promise in them. A promise of relief, of quiet, of nothingness.

Tears blurred my vision as I looked down at the pills in my palm, my breath shaky as I counted them. One…two…three….

I picked up the bottle of water and smiled down at the tiny pills.

I swallowed the first one easily, which was followed by another. And then another.

I knew exactly what I was doing. I wasn't stupid. This wasn't an accident—it was escape. I didn't even try to stop the tears streaming down my face, the sobs tearing through me as I swallowed each pill, washing them down with water. I didn't want to feel anymore. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to exist in this hollow, broken version of my life, where I was nothing. No one.

Beau had taken everything from me. Pari, the only light I had left, was out of reach. And without her, what was the point?

I looked out through the windshield at the pitch-black sky, tears falling steadily now. I'd never felt this small, this lost. Ididn't even know who I was anymore. Every part of me had been given to someone else, and now there was nothing left.

I leaned back in the seat, my vision starting to blur, my limbs feeling heavier with every breath. The pills were working fast. Faster than I thought they would. My mind started to drift, disconnecting from my body as the heaviness of it all slowly slipped away.

I closed my eyes, my chest heaving as I fought to hold on to the last few thoughts slipping through my fingers.

I was sorry. For everything. For not being stronger, for failing Pari, for letting Beau down.

The sobs quieted, replaced by a deep, empty silence. I sank deeper into the seat, the world fading into the background, the edges of everything blurring into soft, gentle oblivion.

Finally, the darkness I'd been running from all this time felt like a release.

I was tired.

And finally…I could rest.

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