Page 35 of Dissension

“But I’m not alright with it.” Her voice wavers and she has to blink the burn out of her eyes. “My…my father was not faithful to my mother. He hurt her, and it hurtme. I don’t want to be that person. I can’t ever be that person. Please don’t ask me to be.”

He swallows thickly as he looks at her, staring into her eyes. Quiet for a moment. “I didn’t…I didn’t realizewhythat was such a sore spot for you.” He reaches over the table unexpectedly and touches her hand, trying to stop the shaking. “But you realize, all parties in this case are aware. Clairewantsyou to be with me. I want you to be with me. You’re…you’re the only one not on board.”

“Don’t you love her?” Her voice sounds hollow and weak.

“Claire?” He sounds scandalized. “If I had a sister, it would be her.”

A part of her feels poorly for Claire, but she knows Claire has admitted to her own entertainment.

“Your arranged marriage is barbaric.” Kara sniffs and rubs her face on her shoulder. “Don’t you understand how sad this is? That you won’t call off a loveless engagement? All for what? Money, power, and status?” She peers into his eyes, wanting to shake sense into him. “Whyare you and Claire torturing yourselves like this? Why do you want to doom yourselves to unhappiness?”

“My mother-”

“Your mother must be onehellof a woman to make you agree to that sort of life,” Kara says harshly. “A normal mother wouldwant you to be happy with a woman of your choosing. Why can’t you just refuse?”

“I’m where I am today because of my mother,” Nick says with an edge. “It would be disappointing for her if I ruined the chance for these two families to combine.”

“So, she owns you? Because she made you successful in life? Is that it?” Kara scoffs. “Nick.”

His face darkens; this is one of those strange subjects that makes him unpleasant. “You know nothing about my mother.”

“Of course not. You don’t share anything personal with me.” A barb that Kara can’t hold back.

This makes him look away sharply, his throat working. For a moment, he says nothing, and neither does she. They sit in discomfort until he finally says, “There are some things about me that aren’t worth knowing, Kara.”

How can he say that, when Kara knows some of the darkest parts of him? What could possibly be worse than him enjoying nonconsensual fantasies?

Who knows, Kara? It could be torture. The thought is ugly and she pushes it away.

“You never told me why you were a member of theDark Mirage,” Kara says suddenly, the slimy thoughts wiggling in her brain with rot.

“I never told you a lot of things,” he replies with something like exhausted acceptance. “And you know why I was a member.” There’s a pained expression on his face, something that comes close to shame. It’s almost an unfamiliar look on him and Kara doesn’t like seeing it. “It was one of the places I was able to get my needs met, instead of picking up working girls off the street.”

Kara bites her lower lip and tries not to feel repulsed. Part of her is disgusted just on principle. Another part wants to shakehim and demand he tell her what made him like this, what trauma lurks in his locked-tight skull?

Another sliver of her soul is afraid that if she looks too deep, she’ll find something truly terrifying.

“Things changed when I met you. When I started seeing you.” Nick’s voice is barely an utterance. “And I hate that I took you for granted, because I think we…we had something that I know I’ll never find in someone else. I don’t like that I treated you the way I did.”

“Is that an apology?” Kara finds herself asking.

“Don’t push it. You know I’m not one to apologize.” No, he’d rather pay his way out of anything. “Can we start again?”

“I haven’t decided.” Kara is not forgetting about Claire. That’s just not happening.

He opens his mouth to retort, his eyes flashing with displeasure, but their waitress returns with their food, setting it out before them, effectively cutting off their conversation.

It opens the door for Kara to switch the conversation entirely, to safer things.

They finish up their lunch, making idle chit chat between them. She’s nearly paid off her loans with what she’s been making working for Dieter; Nick’s had his kitchen redone. He’s won two defenses; Kara lost her job at Benson’s firm.

“Are you seeing him?” An edge of vulnerability is hidden in his tone. Kara knows exactly who he’s asking about.

In her mind, she can see Dieter’s handsome features, the cunning glitter of his pale green eyes, the halo of his hair. Fickle and out of reach, yet close enough to touch on a whim. Never close enough to trulytrust. “I’m not, Nick.”

His expression doesn’t change. “But you want to.”

The question strikes like a hammer, right in the center of her chest. The truth it reveals is ugly and divisive. “I don’t know what I want,” Kara mutters in reply. “He’s-”

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