Page 8 of First Christmas

“Becks, none of us could ever expect you to get over everything immediately. No one can do that. If you did, we’d be worried. And I honestly kind of have been. You’re always taking care of everyone else. Let us help. Paul wouldn’t have wanted this. We knew Paul. Paul loved you because you loved his best friend and brother. And he loved you because you loved me.”

I was crying again. A snotty mess as Monica and I fell into each other’s arms in a hug.

“Alright then. I’m gonna let you two talk. I’ll start the grill and check on the girls. But we’re talking about this later, Rebecca.” He stated this softly, but firmly.

I nodded, wiping the tears from my cheeks onto my shirt’s sleeves.

He leaned down, kissing my forehead, his short beard scratching my skin. He felt like home and I didn’t know how I’d ever survived without him. I breathed in his scent before he stepped away, grounding myself.

As he left the room, Monica squeezed my hand, “Talk to me.” She pleaded softly. “Really talk. Don’t just tell me what you think is safe for me to hear.”

“I just don’t know, Mon,” I answered “I truly didn’t do this to hurt anyone. I’ve had it under control and things have been good again. It's just...I think my anxiety is off the charts because of learning to adjust my life. Living with Lucas. Having friends. Sharing Nat. Dealing with everything. I’m still processing. It’s amazing Lucas talked me into seeing a therapist.”

Monica sighed, pulling her legs up under her to sit back against the couch gazing at me.

“And the therapy is helping?”

I nodded, picking at the blanket anxiously.

“It is. It’s just been bad lately. I’ve been worried about Lucas. He’s been taking a lot of night shifts lately. And… he's been on the phone a lot. He won’t tell me who he’s talking to. I know he’d never…”

Monica’s eyebrows drew in. “He wouldn’t cheat on you, Becks. Lucas adores you and that little girl. He has been the happiest I’ve ever seen him outside of having lost Paul.”

I nodded in acknowledgment of that, staring at my fingers pulling on the loose threads.

“I know,” I said. “It’s just weird. He’s usually so open and not so secretive. He hated the night shift and being away from us…” I trailed off shrugging, “I can’t sleep when he’s gone. I feel like such a baby. I lived alone for years and now I’m this reliant mess.”

“Maybe they’ve needed him to pick up some slack. Night shift pays more and it is his first Christmas with a significant other and kiddo.” She pushed my arm gently.

I tilted my head. “We told each other no grand gestures. I don’t need anything.” I argued.

Monica snorted a laugh and raised her eyebrows.

“Whatever. That man has something planned I bet. Stop worrying. Communicate. Try the sleep medication at least, Becks. We want you to be okay. Maybe Lucas could put an alarm system in if he’s going to continue working nights regularly.”

I sighed and nodded.

Shrieking from outside made us both look over towards the kitchen as Nat and Lexi ran in covered in snow and dripping wet.

“Uncle Lucas cheats!” Shrieked Monica’s youngest shaking her red hair and sending drops of melted snow all over the kitchen counter.

Nat was giggling hysterically.

“Dad got us good!” She squealed, her blue eyes sparkling.

Every time I heard her refer to Lucas as Dad my heart grew a couple of sizes like the Grinch, I swear.

“You two, take your shoes off right there and get upstairs and dry off. Nat, surely Lexi has something you can wear or you’ve left something here at some point,” laughed Monica. “You both just got over being sick! That man.”

I laughed and my best friend’s eyes met my own in relief at the sound.

“Do what Monica says, girls,” I shook my head. “I wonder if Lucas looks just as bad?” I questioned. “Think he’s even paying attention to the grill?”

Monica laughed and got up, walking into the hall to the linen closet. Grabbing two towels she walked over to start wiping the kitchen floor.

“I know you love this weather but I cannot wait for spring!” She exclaimed. “Everything is cold and wet and just yuck.”

I stood to walk over to the stove.

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