Page 9 of First Christmas

“I’m gonna make some hot cocoa for everyone. I know it’s before dinner but apparently we have some frozen popsicles for family members right now.”

Screaming erupted from upstairs and Lacey, Monica’s oldest, yelled at the two younger ones.

“THAT’S COLD!”

Monica grimaced at me and headed for the stairs, “I’m off to save our young ones from the monster!” She claimed, heading up the stairs.

I nodded, continuing to throw ingredients into the pot on the stove to make the cocoa. I took a deep breath and let the movements relax me further.

I had finally stopped shaking and the movement of something I’d done hundreds of times before was relaxing me. Grabbing some mugs from the cabinet, I smiled as I listened to Monica yelling at the three teenagers upstairs.

Chapter 4

Isighed, staring down at the chicken cooking over the hot coals. Some may think we were insane for grilling in the winter, but it was soothing.

I smirked as I heard the girls shrieking while Monica and Becks laughed. It was good to hear Becks laugh. She didn’t do enough of it in my opinion. If I could take every painful thing from that woman, I would.

I couldn’t believe she hadn’t told me about how bad things were getting again. What the hell could have been bothering her so bad she was regressing with her reactions? I needed to do better and pay more attention. The fact that she wasn’t sleeping because I was working night shifts made me feel like an ass. I wasn’t really working extra shifts at night. I was sneaking off to work on a Christmas present for her. I couldn’t have anticipated it affecting her like that. She’d lived alone for so long before me.

We’d promised each other no grand gestures, but fuck that. I knew my girl hadn’t gotten anything for Christmas since she was in high school. That wasn’t gonna slide with me. She deservedthe world. She had given so much of herself to her daughter the last thirteen years, Becks needed to feel treasured too.

Nat was in on it, but I hadn’t told Monica. She had enough on her plate. Mon knew I was planning something epic, but not details. Nat was so excited that she could help and give her mom something besides a school craft for Christmas.

I loved this. Parenthood was a learning curve, but it just felt right, being this little girl’s dad. I could not wait to stand up and marry her mom and make everything official.

I just wished I could break down the last few barriers Becks had around her. Seeing her guarding her emotions and her fear of being left, were getting to me. I didn’t know how much more I could show and prove that I wasn’t going to disappear. Now that I knew she was struggling this badly again I needed to figure something out.

“Do you want some cocoa?” Becks’ voice sounded like it usually did now. I smiled at her over my shoulder, letting my eyes run over her, checking in. She looked better and the light was back in her eyes.

“Sure, baby.”

I watched as she stepped out with an oversized mug that was steaming, and met her halfway. She smiled up at me as she put the warm ceramic in my hands and I leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose.

“You know I love you more than myself, right?” I asked, my voice rougher than I intended. Her palm met my cheek and she smiled at me again.

“I know, Lucas. I’m sorry it’s been such a mess with me lately-”

I shook my head, cutting her off, “Being with you, doing this life with you, has been anything but a mess. It’s brought me areason, Becks. I just want you to feel like you can talk to me. About anything. Always.”

She nodded, crossing her arms, and I pushed her back towards the house gently.

“It’s too cold out here without a coat. We’ll talk later. Get your gorgeous ass inside. Tell Monica the chicken is almost done.”

She laughed and walked back inside, quickly shutting the door behind her. I could hear her yelling for Mon and shook my head.

“You’d have some good advice for me, I’m sure,” I muttered under my breath to Paul, wondering if he could hear me wherever he was.

My redheaded best friend had always helped me with stuff, and talked things through with me. I hadn’t truly appreciated it until it was too late. I wondered if I’d ever stop talking out loud to him when I was alone.

I jumped as my phone rang, reaching into my pocket.Nan. I grinned, answering.

“Hey, Nan.” I greeted.

“Lucas, how are you?”

“Good, how are you? Behaving yourself?”

Nan snorted, “What trouble could an old woman like me get into?”

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