Page 10 of Broken Bonds

Lake loved my hair. He would lovingly spend hours running his fingers through the locks. He always said it was as soft as silk and he couldn’t get enough of feeling the texture run across his fingers.

A deep sigh escapes me as I feel the sadness that radiates from within.

Van was always amazed at the fact that I could always maintain an aura of joyousness and contentment. He said that I was like his personal ball of sunshine that made his day brighter. That anytime he was having a bad day, all he had to do was seek me out and he’d instantly feel better. That my inner light shined so brightly, it could drive away any darkness trying to sneak in.

A knock at the door pulls me from my pitiful perusal, and I open it to Jillian’s passive face. She’s doing her best to keep up a brave front for me. Despite her best efforts to cover it up, her sadness is palpable, but she’s trying to remain composed. As someone else who is feeling the same things she is, just on a greater scale, I can recognize it.

Things are only going to get harder over the next few days.

I allow myself two more seconds, two more deep breaths, before I stride out of the room and go to the kitchen, aware of her trailing behind me.

Taking a seat, Jillian brings us both a cup of coffee, made exactly as I like it.

My bottom lip quivers. In the mornings, my alphas would rotate who would bring me a cup of coffee. After I had to have my doctor tell them that a cup of coffee wouldn’t do any harm, of course. Cue eye roll. And then cue that sadness that threatens to consume me.

Dammit.

My entire existence is tied tothem.You spend so many years with someone, and when you’re suddenly without them you can’t remember an instance without them there by your side and every little thing will bring forth a memory. I’m going to have to relearn how to live and how to do it on my own.

I break the silence first, deciding to just rip the entire fresh scab off in one fell swoop. Because there is no Band-Aid here. Just raw wounds.

“We need to go to the morgue today. I’ll need to get that over with as quickly as possible,” I rasp out, squeezing my eyes tightly. “And I’m going to need your help getting them each something nice to wear from our room so we can drop those off at the funeral home. You know them almost as well as I do, so I trust you’ll pick things they would have.”

Inhale. Exhale.

Jillian doesn’t respond right away, choosing her words carefully. She’s going to try to treat me with kid gloves.

“Babe, we don’t have to—” I interrupt her, holding my hand up.

“We do. I won’t make them wait in that place alone longer than necessary, Jilly. They don’t deserve that. Besides, the longer I wait, the worse it will be. It’s going to hurt, but no more than it already does. I’ll be fine.”

She looks at me with uncertainty, but she doesn’t attempt to talk me out of it a second time. It would be nice to have more family to lean on during times like these. Then again, aside from the help with all the planning and calls that will need to be made, they would want to be here to hover for however long. I’d rather just be left alone, besides having Jillian.

We take the time to figure out which calls we need to make first and the plans that need to be made immediately. Jillian eventually grabs a pad and pen and starts writing it all down as I rattle off everything I can think of at the moment. It’s so much and so little at the same time. Taking in the list she’s put together in the end, it feels daunting.

I call ahead to let the morgue know we will be by soon to identify the bodies, a tremor in my voice for the entire call. The wordbodiesnearly makes me choke. Following that, I make a call to the funeral home in Crystalwood, the nearest city.

Reaching out to each of their jobs is the next step, and it’s difficult. I dial the number for the bar that Lake and Van bought and chose to run a few years ago, eventually discovering their niche. Locals were overjoyed by what they did to the place, and the tourists even more so.

Telling Maribel, the beta they employed to oversee the establishment when they wanted time off, nearly plunges me back into a fit of sobbing. The older woman we all look up to as a mother figure, even though she’s no older than fifty, is a sobbing mess on the other line. She asks if I need anything and assures me she hasJinxunder control until I can get by.

They named that damn barJinxbecause, when they saw it, they both loved it so much that, at the same time, after doing a walkthrough, they said, “It’s perfect. We’ll take it.”, before shouting ‘jinx’ at each other. And so,Jinxwas born.

It’s their baby.Was.

Rule and Ollie’s jobs are marginally better. Their superiors are saddened to hear about their passing, but they don’t cry like Maribel. Making my last call leaves me feeling drained.

I’m almost relieved none of us have any family members. All the calls I’ve made already have used up all of my mental energy, and if I had to make any more, it would be too much. I massage my eyes and temples as my head starts to throb. A sharp pain makes its way up my neck and through the back of my head, ending right behind my left eye, where the throbbing is the most persistent.

Tension headache.

Another cup of coffee is set in front of me, my first cup having gone cold a while ago. I give Jillian a slight smile of thanks and move the cup closer to me, wrapping my hands around it.

“Last one today. No overdoing it.”

I don’t even argue like I normally would with my usual ‘one more won’t hurt’. I just don’t have it in me.

When I look at the clock, I realize it’s already past one in the afternoon and let out a long sigh, getting up from my seat. My ass has gone numb from sitting still in the chair for so long and my back is screaming, making me groan.

---