Page 59 of Ho Ho Oh No

Shudder.

Shep taps my chest faintly with the back of his hand. “Youmade the cake?”

“Yep.” I swallow around a tight lump. “All the desserts, actually.”

Leo cricks his head to the side. “No shit?”

I nod, impatiently waiting for the jokes to start. Either at my expense or in response to his accidental poop pun.

But they don’t start.

Not even the expressions decorating the faces of my friends hold any hint of mockery. Dare I say they look... impressed.

“Holy fuck. I thought it was Lionheart’s mom.” Shep nods emphatically. “Damn.”

Given how delicious everything Madeline makes tastes, I’ll take that as a hefty compliment.

“No, Mom only did the hot food,” Leo says, wiping his face with a napkin. “I need to empty my plate faster so I can try this earth-shattering coffee cake.”

Unable to let that error slide, I correct him. “It isn’t coffee cake, big guy. That’s a breakfast danish or pastry. What I made is a salted caramel fudge cake with coffee as an ingredient. Huge difference.”

I cut myself off before I launch into the technical reasons for the effect coffee has on cocoa.Although I’m not a science guy by nature and I’m still fairly new to baking, I’ve done my homework on the subject. No sense in doing something if you’re gonna half-ass it.

“The coffee explains why Sawyer’s instantly addicted to it,” Aaron quips.

“Addicted is right.” Sawyer turns to me, shoving the last bite of cake into his trap. “You’re fucking hired, Klein. I’m putting you on retainer. This is the fucking cake I want for all my birthdays, holidays, and my children’s birthdays. In perpetuity. Definitely need it at my wedding reception and even my fucking funeral. In fact, bury me with this cake, or I’ll haunt your fucking ass.”

In his signature raspy tone, Aaron jokes, “That’s a lot of F-bombs for someone in yellow tights and an elf hat.”

Without missing a beat, Sawyer fires back. “And that’s a lot of snark for someone with his dick in a box.”

A cacophony of laughter rings out from our group, loud enough to draw some attention from the other partygoers. The only others seeming to have as much fun as us are Lettie, Kri, and my tiger.

While he attempts to clean his plate to make room for dessert, Leo’s studious gaze sweeps around our group. He fixates on Tomer. “T, you don’t seem shocked about this.”

“About what?” Tomer asks, fiddling with something in his pocket for the umpteenth time.I’m beginning to wonder if he’s playing pocket pool, which is why I refuse to look down.

Leo points his fork at Tomer, shifting it toward me. “About Klein baking. You knew, didn’t you?”

Not so much as batting an eye, Tomer flatly responds, “Nothing that happens around here is a surprise to me.”

I jab my elbow into his side playfully. “Don’t act like you hacked my web searches to see all the baking blogs I’m subscribed to. I told you I was baking at least a year ago. Maybe two.”

Tomer snickers diabolically, not confirming or denying everything.

Fucker probably has hacked my browser.Dammit. I’ll sic my tiger on him. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

After throwing three more cubes of cheese down his throat, Leo huffs. “A year ago, T? And you kept it secret this entire time?”

“Tomer keeping secrets?” Sawyer’s face shifts into full sarcasm mode, and he throws his voice to impersonate a female. “Holy mother of God. That is brand new information.”

A belly laugh rocks through me. “Phoebe fromFriends. Nice.”

“Har har har,” Tomer intones flatly. “Not everyone is like Sawyer. Some of us like to keep things to ourselves.”

Sawyer finishes licking his plate and teases, “Listen to Tomer about this. He’s an expert in keeping secrets.”

Leo slams his glass of punch, likely to wash down the half pound of finger food he just swallowed. When he’s done, he adds, “All I’m saying is, if I had known Klein could bake like this, Sue and I would have asked him to make our wedding cake.”

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