Page 4 of Ho Ho Oh No

“I’ll go find something else for you to wear to the party while you shower. I’ll get washed up when you’re all done.”

I turn around in a rush, attempting to flee. But that was dumb because, of course, he’s going to catch me. I barely hear his footsteps before I feel his enormous frame covering mine from behind. He tucks his hands under my fat stomach, tugging my back into his front.

“Not a chance.” He burrows his face into the side of my neck, kissing and nipping at my sensitive skin. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

I blink four times, which is a great number for blinks. Then I gird my stupid loins and twist in his arms to face him. “Leo, it’s not personal, but I don’t want to shower with you.”

His expression sags, breaking my heart in the process. “Why not? I thought you liked it now that we have more room?”

My gaze jags around him toward the spacious shower. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, we did a minor house remodel to create a baby nook in the corner of our bedroom. The nursery is on the other end of the house, and I was anxious about having an infant so far away. While we were at it, we redid the bathroom since it bumps up against the new nook space, and I’d always hated co-showering because of temperature sensory issues from sharing the spray. Me? Anxious? I’m sure you’re shocked.

The new shower is heavenly, especially the bench and dual shower heads. Both of us under the spray at the same time was so worth the expense.

He’s absolutely right. I do love it.

But.

I donotlike being naked in front of him these days. Especially in the bright lights of the bathroom.

It’s like we’re back in the cabin when we first were intimate. When I was afraid he’d be disgusted with me if he saw my stretch marks and pouchy stomach.

Only now, my stomach is flabbyandfirm, which is weird. Plus, a brand-new set of deep red stretch marks appeared recently. And what’s the deal with this dark line running vertically down the center of my belly? Oh, and let’s not even talk about my nipples. They’re so ugly. I detest them and how they’ve darkened and spread these last few weeks.

As much as I want this baby, I amnotenjoying pregnancy. Besides all the changes to my body and my inability to have coffee or peanut butter—the best food item ever—my senses are on overdrive, and I must actively work to keep my thoughts under control before it spills over into physical symptoms. Heck, the very idea of having another human inside me is beyond unsettling. It sometimes makes me queasy.

Isn’t that horrible of me to say? Go ahead and judge me. I don’t blame you.

It’s more proof that I’ll be a terrible mother.

Leo seems to grow impatient with my silence. “Talk to me, angel.”

I can’t meet his eyes, too much shame filling me. “We need to get ready, or we’ll be late. Go shower.”

He refuses to let me go. The big lug. “We’re not going anywhere until you tell me why you won’t shower with me.”

“It’s not the shower that’s bothering me,” I offer the half-truth.

“Then whatisbothering you?”

I stamp my foot, embracing my brewing tantrum. “Don’t make me say it.”

He tips my chin upward with the pads of his first two fingers. “You can tell me anything. If something’s wrong, I need to know so I can fix it.”

Voice trembling, I quaver, “You can’t fix this, my love.”

“Try me.”

Stubborn man.

I exhale forcefully and spit out the truth. He’s never going to let it go until I confess. And lying to him is out of the question since he can see through me like plexiglass.

“Fine.” I curl my upper lip and huff. “I won’t be getting naked in front of you for the rest of the pregnancy. And probably not after that unless things return to normal. So you should get used to it.”

His eyes bulge, and his jaw flops to his chest. “What? Why?”

With a wobbly chin, I lay it all out. “I’m uncomfortable with how I look pregnant. And I don’t want you to be grossed out too. I’m disgusted enough for the both of us.”

“Grossed out?” he parrots, voice pitching high. “I couldneverbe grossed out by you. The sight of you makes me hard as granite. Where is this coming from? Did someone say something about your figure? I’ll kick their ass. I don’t care who it is. Even if it were Boss, I’d lay him out flat.”

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