Page 15 of Warmer, Colder

“I don’t even know your name,” I manage to string the sentence together between chattering teeth and a liquid mind.

“So prim and proper, aren’t you, my girl.” She laughs at me again. “When I tell you, I want it to be somewhere I can hear you properly scream it.” She brushes the fingers of her free hand across my cheek. “I supposebabycould suffice in the meantime?”

I scoff. “I’m not calling you that.”

“How about, my god?”

I don’t get a chance to object because the air is sucked out of my lungs when she switches the device onto what I can only hope is the most powerful vibration. My feet ache with impending cramps as I flex and writhe under her attention.

“Say it.” She tugs at my tampon string, yanking it out of me as her finger dips inside me at the same time. Ignoring my yelp of disapproval, she adds more pressure to my clit. “Shh, shh, shh. Don’t worry about that. Just think about how good it feels.” She proves her point, my embarrassment fading to the back of my mind as her fingers pump inside me. “Doesn’t that feel nice? Come on, say it, Angel,” she coos. “Tell everyone at this party that I’m your god. Thank me for the gift I’m about to bestow on you.”

“I can’t,” I whimper quietly, trying to contain my impending unraveling to just this room.

“Are you sure?” she asks while applying another bout of pressure.

“I can’t,” I repeat as my body threatens to explode from the contradicting emotions pounding through me. “This isn’t me.”

“This isn’t you shaking around my fingertips?”

I shake my head, unable to speak dishonestly when every inch of my body is quivering with desire.

“That’s too bad,my pretty little liar.” The room falls silent as she cuts off the toy’s power and steps back, dropping my leg from around her hip. I barely catch myself on my hands when my knees give out.

“What the—”

“One way or another, you’re going to worship me.” I watch with revulsion as she slips the toy into a plastic baggie and zips it without washing away the sticky redness coating it, but she speaks before I can protest. “Now that you’ve had a taste of just how good it can be, you’re going to crave me.”

It’s a challenge; it’s acurse. My ragged breaths are my only protest as I search her gaze for any sign of a bluff. Deciphering what I read there is nearly impossible with my clit pulsing as violently as my erratic heartbeat.

“Don’t look so glum, Babygirl. We both got what we wanted.” She smirks up at me in the mirror as she washes my blood from her hands with unfathomable casualness. “You got your distraction, and I proved my point.” With a wink, she shuts off the sink.

She’s halfway out the door when she turns back to me. “Maybe next time you won’t be so stubborn?” Blowing a kiss, she slips back into the party like she was never here.Like she didn’t just turn my world upside down.

Scrambling for the lock, I secure my space once again so I can panic in private.What the fuck did we just do?Despite the lack of a chaser, I take two long swigs from the bottle, letting the warm alcohol worm its way through me with a naive hope thatit’ll dull my humiliation and frustration and help me pretend this never happened.

A sharp knock on the bathroom door reverberates against the back of my skull managing to shake loose whatever insanity has come over me. Fear sweeps through me, tensing every muscle and pumping adrenaline into my veins.

The rattling intensifies, forcing me to quickly check that I’m presentable—I brush my fingers through my hair, fix the part of my skirt that flipped up, and wipe the feel of her from my lips—then emerge into the hallway like nothing more than an upset stomach happened even though I feel like a town torn through by a tornado on the inside.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Nate slurs. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” I avoid the heavy gaze of Rob from over his shoulder.

“I wasn’t feeling well.” That’s exactly it. The lie I’ll sell myself, too. Nothing more than some nausea. That didn’t happen. Couldn’t have. My tender lips throb in protest.

“Whatever. Get your ass upstairs; we’ll be right up,” he growls.

Instead of answering, I do as he says. With each step I ascend, my heart races faster; the alarm bells in my mind like a severe storm siren.Danger. Danger. Danger.

I consider putting in another tampon but choose not to as a small act of rebellion. Casting a look over my shoulder to see if anyone is watching me go into Nate’s room. I pause at the threshold for several seconds.Nobody cares.

Stumbling in the dark, I find my way to the window and twist open the blinds. A group of people stand on the lawn, red cups in hand, smiles on their faces.Oblivious. Blissful.I watch them for a bit.Terrified. Resentful.

The alcohol burns my throat as it threatens to come back up when the music pours in behind me. Nobody needs to say anything; we all know what we’re here for.

Forcing my muscles to relax, I become pliable. Not for their benefit, but for the soreness.

“That’s it. Just relax,” Richard slurs at me. While he closes in at my front, Nate comes up behind me, and with a harsh tug, he tears down my straps. With practiced hands, I peel down the rest of the dress and step out of it, my gaze fixed on one of the trippy posters past Richard’s head. Bass thumps through the walls. Laughter and upbeat music are the sickening soundtrack to another piece of me dying.

“Get on the bed,” Nate orders. Mechanically, I get onto my knees, shifting my focus to the photos of his family on the wall. His dad is tall and well-kept, wearing a suit that costs more than most people’s monthly rent. His mom wears a tight smile to match her perfectly tailored dress.

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