Page 6 of Forgiving Fate

“Logan is my family. And I love her. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see the obvious. You have half a day before you have no choice but to face her and talk. But right now, you don’t have to.”

I don’t know why I feel the need to give her an out in that moment, but the look of relief on her face says I did something right.

We drive for a while and just as the fire spreads up my spine again, Allie’s voice cuts through and distracts me.

“Thank you.”

I nod and for a brief moment, I welcome the distraction from the war raging inside of me that is going to explode any second.

Chapter Three

Allie

Landon Hayes is notwhat I expected. The only things I know about him were what he looked like from Logan’s picture and that he was sent to bring me back to Washington.

It’s not the looks that are causing me to sit here in this quiet car with my mind running a mile a minute.

It’s the fact that he has known me for all of a few hours, more like a few minutes, when he gave me an out. He made up some excuse so I didn’t have to speak to the girl who is supposed to be my best friend. I have no idea how he knew that I desperately needed it in that moment, but I am grateful he did.

Because the truth is, when she told me she loved me, I had no words. Which isn’t unusual because I’ve become accustomed to my words being used as punishment, so having freedom to say what I want feels wrong. I know Logan is a safe space and that she would never hurt me. I know she would do anything in her power to protect me. But it’s what she said that is stopping me.

I love you.

A phrase I’ve heard an infinite amount of times. A phrase I’ve said countless times. But now, like everything else, that phrase has no meaning.

Because, like everything else,heruined it.Hemessed with my mind so much, I truly believed whathewas doing was okay. Then, as ifhedidn’t already inflict enough damage to last a lifetime…hedidn’t give me a chance to say them to the two people in this world that I would have died for.

Images start replaying in my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut to try to turn them all off. My eyes fly open and suddenly the car feels like it is getting smaller. I look over at Landon, his eyes focused on the road. I can see the tension in his arm as he grips the wheel so hard that his knuckles are white.

My mind is screaming at me that I need to get out of the car now, but I can’t. We are on a busy highway surrounded by traffic as we enter the outskirts of the city. The sun shining off the high-rise buildings in the distance. And as we get closer, the feeling of suffocation grows stronger. Suddenly, the car is smaller. Landon is closer. And the idea of being stuck in a metal tube in the sky makes me want to vomit.

My eyes squeeze shut again and immediately fly open when images of the past few months come flying at me. I try to focus on the cars in front of us, but nothing is calming the hurricane inside of me.

“Allie.” Landon’s voice cuts through the panic, but I ignore him.

I feel my nails dig into my palms.

Get it together Allie.Heisn’t here.Hecan’t hurt you. You are fine.

Leaning forward, I place my head between my legs to get my breathing under control, but my pleas are useless because my eyes grow blurry and my nails dig further into my palm. I tryto open my eyes, but it feels like I am trapped in my own living nightmare that is at the mercy and control of a monster.

The car feels like it’s being crushed around me, leaving me inches of room to breathe.

Suddenly, the car jerks to the side, and my body hits the door.Is this finally the moment the voices and images will be silenced?

The rational part of my brain kicks in and I lift my head up from my lap so when the impact hits, I am not increasing the chances that I break my neck and am forced to live a life dependent on others helping me.

Sitting back in the chair, my eyes remain closed so I don’t have to watch the horror of Logan’s future brother-in-law dying in an accident he would have never been in if he didn’t have to come rescue me.

I can’t help the chuckle that leaves my mouth as the car makes another sudden jerk. My luck would allow me to finally escape amonster, only to die in a car accident.

Damn, fate must really fucking hate me.

The car stops abruptly, and I lean back against the seat. However, this is going to happen, I hope it’s quick. Not that I can feel anything, anyway. I’m already so numb.

A bright light shines and I chuckle once again. I would go and see a bright light as I fade away forever.

I wait for everything to fade away and I hate to admit it, but I feel a sense of happiness. I will no longer have to feel the pain anymore. Maybe if there is an afterlife, I can reunite with my parents?

---