Page 67 of Forgiving Fate

I try to dig deep within myself and find the words to make his pain go away, but I can’t and I hate it. His breathing rapidly increases and I know if he doesn’t calm down, he will pass out. And with my current mindset and hand, this six-foot man passing out on my living room floor is the last thing we need at this moment.

Taking a deep breath, I channel what is left inside of me from my former self. “Landon. You need to sit down and take slower breaths or you are going to pass out. The weather is terrible outside right now and it would take help a long time to get here. So please go take a seat on the couch or the floor.”

He doesn’t move.

“You can do this. Just move slowly and I will be right here the entire time. I promise,” I say gently with another squeeze of his pinky.

Slowly, he nods and unwraps his pinky from mine. Moving as if he is floating, he goes to sit on the couch and immediately his head falls into his hands that are resting upwards on his knees.

We sit in silence as I watch his breathing begin to slow and when he is finally back to normal, he sits up and leans his back against the couch.

His gaze doesn’t meet mine, and he stares out at the snow falling more rapidly by the second. The sound of the crackling fire mixes with the smell of the food from the diner creating an almost picture perfect Christmas night. In any movie, this would look like the perfect scene. But like life itself, everything isn’t always what it seems.

Landon’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “Al?”

“Yeah?” I say, turning my attention to him. He looks completely disheveled. His shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his usually neatly trimmed beard is longer and messed up from him running his hands through it. I can tell he is exhausted and I can’t blame him.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

His gaze meets mine, and he says, “For you having to baby me. You just got home from the hospital and I was trying to take care of you and prove him wrong. But my mind went places, and it was like I couldn’t stop it. I should have said something or left as soon as you had food. But I can’t leave because Doc said you needed someone here, so I didn’t. I just—” His words come out at a rapid pace and I try to catch everything, but one thing stands out.

“Landon,” I say, cutting off his rambling.

“Sorry. I–”

“Landon. I mean this in the most respectful way, but shut up.”

He is clearly taken aback by my demand, with the way his body jerks and his brows furrow in confusion.

“Sorry. That was rude. It was the only thing I could think of to get you to stop apologizing and slow down.”

Landon understands my cues and crosses his arms against his chest, his tattoos on full display.

“Don’t be mad.”

He huffs in laughter. “Not mad. Just wasn’t expecting you to tell me to shut up. I am usually the one telling my brothers to, so it’s weird being on this side. But I get it. I was acting like a rambling lunatic.”

Sighing, I move the plate to the table and readjust my ice pack. “First. You aren’t a lunatic. You rarely speak, so a rambling moment here and there is the least of your worries. Second, you said something, and I wanted to ask you about it. But if yourather us go back to our norm of sitting in silence, we can. Just a heads up though, I’m exhausted, so if I don’t make it long before falling asleep, don’t take it personally.”

Landon nods and snags a blanket off the back of the couch and drapes it over his legs. Through the blanket, I can see his knee bouncing. “You know you can always ask me anything. But don’t get mad. I am sorry for my behavior earlier today and I am sorry for rambling.”

I nod and take a deep breath. “Who are you trying to prove wrong? And why?”

Landon scrubs a hand down his face and thinks for a moment before he speaks. “There is no right or wrong way to say this, so I am just going to rip off the bandaid. I was referring to Lainey’s cousin Lachlan. You heard me speak to him a few times on the drive here. But long story short, he is almost like a business partner. He runs his own set of missions up in his area. A year after we started, he joined and created his own sector of Resilience. He is also my best friend and knows when something isn’t right in my head…even if I don’t tell him.”

“So he called and wanted to discuss his sister, who was recently rescued by Lo and Gray. He asked me to come up and help out up there so he could focus on his sister, but I said I couldn’t leave here. And he didn’t mean it in a bad way, but he told me that what I am doing with you isn’t my norm and that he can find resources to help you.”

His gaze avoids mine, and I truly have no idea what to say. So many questions are hitting me at once. Lachlan believes that I need help? Landon is needed somewhere outside of Cliff Haven? Why do I feel like the knife that was in my hand earlier today is now in my gut at the idea of no longer having Landon to silence the voices in my head?

I go to speak, but I can feel the anxiety that I have no right to feel bubbling in my chest.

“Allie?”

My head snaps up. “I can see your mind spinning. Let me continue. Please?”

I nod and readjust my ice pack.

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