Page 7 of Forgiving Fate

A gust of wind hits me in the face.

“Allie!” a voice yells, sounding vaguely familiar.

“Allie! Open your eyes, please,” the voice says, this time sounding closer.

I feel a soft touch on my shoulder and jolt. What the hell?

My eyes fly open and I blink away the blurriness. Landon’s face comes into focus, a bright light shining behind his head.

Weird. I never thought the first face I would see as it all ends is the man that I just met.

I feel pressure on my shoulder once more and Landon says, “Allie. Are you okay?”

Confusion hits me as I watch the distress on his face morph into pure panic. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a hand come close to my face and I turn my face on instinct.

“Shit. I’m so sorry. You weren’t responding. I won’t do it again. I promise.”

What is he talking about? I stare at him and try to figure out what is going on.

His hand scrubs down his face and he mutters, “Fucking everything up like always. Good job, Landon.”

I don’t think he is aware that he said that out loud as he crouches down outside the passenger door and his eyes lock on mine.

“Do you want to get out of the car and get some air?”

“What is going on?” I ask, finally finding my voice.

His head tilts slightly as one hand stabilizes him against the car and the other goes to scratch the back of his neck.

“We were on the highway and all of a sudden you started shaking. I asked if you were okay and you didn’t respond. Then I saw your hands starting to bleed. You didn’t respond again when I said your name. I didn’t know what to do, so I got off the highway and pulled into this gas station. I thought fresh air and not feeling trapped in the car would help. Do you want me to call someone?”

My mind spirals. I think back and can’t remember him saying my name.

“I thought we got into an accident. I—I thought we were dead.”

Landon’s eyebrows shoot up and he shakes his head.

Everything around me becomes more clear and I look past Landon to see the station and gas pumps. I glance around and see cars coming in and out of the parking lot, and in the distance, I can hear the cars speeding on the highway.

Then it all clicks and I lean my head back against the seat. I was so lost in my panic that I imagined myself meeting my end. And the worst part is that I felt a twinge of happiness about it.

I look down at my hands and see crescent moon shaped marks in my palms, and blood trailing from a few of the marks.

Shit.

Once more, I lean my head back and take a deep breath. I need to get my shit together. I cannot keep breaking all the damn time. Just because something bad happened to me, doesn’t give me an excuse to dissociate so much that I imagine my own damn death.

Landon is here helping me, and he is probably seconds from calling an ambulance and Logan.

I haven’t let myself feel in months. Not when I was free. Not when I finally took my first shower in so long. Or when I called Logan. I almost let it happen when I met Alec, but I blame that on the exhaustion.

Now here I am, with a man I barely know, and I’m letting my mind wander to the point where the pain I feel deep in my bones blinds me.

“Allie. I’m sorry. I want to give you as much time as you need, but if we are going to make our flight, we need to get back on the road.”

I turn to look at him and glance out at the parking lot, then back at him. He looks over his shoulder and stands. Before backing away for me to get out of the car, I watch as he scans the area, then backs up.

Getting out of the car, I walk a few feet before stopping. The sun beats down on my face and the wind whips through my hair.I take a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill my lungs. As the seconds tick by, I feel the remainder of the panic settle enough for me to think rationally.

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