Page 48 of Forgiving Fate

Noah: You better have a good excuse for not answering my calls. It’s not nice to ignore your best friends for DAYS asshat.

Wes: I figured it out. Next time, answer your phone.

My brows furrow and I tap out of the group chat and see texts from my brothers just to me, all saying something similar.

What is going on?These weren’t there earlier.

Exiting the app, I see that I have twenty missed calls. Most are from my brothers and my parents, but some are from Carter and Lachlan, my two friends from the police academy who do their own versions of missions.

I listen to all their voicemails and reread all the texts.

They were right. I wasn’t answering and my phone wasn’t broken. How the hell did I miss all of this? I haven’t slept in days, so I would have seen all of this.

You know why.

For once, I listen to the voices in my head and stare down at my nearly empty glass. This should be my sign, but the longer I stare at it and debate the alternative, the answer is simple.

I drain the last of the glass and snag the half empty bottle hidden in the side pocket of the chair.

Both directions are bad. But one doesn’t involve letting my fuck ups fall on others and for now, that’s the best answer to all this madness.

Chapter Eighteen

Allie

The cool breeze sendsa shiver down my spine and I curl the blanket tighter around me.

My eyes are locked on the fire in front of me and I watch as the flames dance in the wind. The past few weeks have passed in a blur. Ever since I got my new phone and had a connection to my past, the days have been difficult.

Every day, I try to do something that I used to, trying to get back to some semblance of my old self. And testing myself to see if there is any sliver or branch of who I was before there to cling on to. Some days, there is. Some days, I can find a piece of that old girl and I am able to lean on her.

The day I got my phone back and saw those texts from my mom sent me into a tailspin so devastating, I knew I had to do something. I knew if I didn’t, I would be one step closer to losing the war, fighting strongly every second inside my broken mind.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at photos or social media, so I did what any other person in an uncomfortable situation does to look busy. I opened up Amazon in search of some sort of hobby to keep my mind occupied. The first thing that popped up wasthe renewal of the protein waffles I used to take on my longer runs. And that was a memory I didn’t push away. So I ordered myself some new shoes and clothes on next day shipping.

My first few runs were into the heart of Cliff Haven. The town is small, almost like the ones back home where I grew up, but here it’s quiet. Peaceful almost. Every time I run, I change up my path in case someone is watching, but I always make a point to go by the playground near the elementary school. It’s older and could use a few updates, but there’s something special about that place. It reminds me of the beach playground Landon and I stopped by on the road trip here.

Not wanting to get caught up in the day to day of a small town or risk someone approaching me, especially anyone in the Hayes family besides Landon, I started exploring the trails nearby.

I was finding a routine and feeling slightly hopeful because I had been running trails that lead to stunning waterfalls and cliffs. Until one day, reality came crashing back in when I stumbled onto a waterfall and just as I looked over the edge, I saw Logan and Grayson sitting on the water’s edge, their feet dangling in the water.

I didn’t think, I just ran. I ran all the way back to my car and then hid inside the cabin for a few days until the panic attacks slowed and I could step outside again.

I didn’t fully seclude myself in the house because, if I did, I would never escape my mind. So I ran in the woods behind the cabin. Probably not the best idea since I am no stranger to crime documentaries and the fact that I was the principal cast member in one myself, but I’ve already escaped hell once. What’s one more?

On the first day, to my complete surprise, a couple hundred feet behind the house, I stumbled upon a run down shed, oddly similar to the one Alec found me in. And because I am determined to test fate more, I looked inside and found itcompletely empty. The roof was slowly caving in and the wooden floor warped, but for some odd reason, I didn’t find it creepy. I found it oddly peaceful.

Every day that I spent avoiding the chances of running into someone, I found myself going back to the shed, each time spending a little more time in there. Not sure why, it wasn’t close to safe and if something decided to attack me, I’d be at its mercy, but I didn’t care. Still don’t.

My phone lights up and a friend request from an old friend from college pops up, Harrison, causing my chest to constrict. I had turned off my notifications, but I guess in one of my panicked states, I must have turned them back on.

The request has my mind racing back to the time when Logan, Harrison, and I would hang out back in Alabama. He was a physical therapy student, and we all met at a football game. He wasn’t around a ton because Logan was a little hesitant around men, which now, after the little I know, I can see why.

Memories of us three together hit me, along with the ones of Harrison and I both getting jobs in Flordia. Harrison tagged along on beach trips with my family since he aged out of the foster system. And at the time, my best friend was across the country in Washington, so it was great having a familiar face in a new town.

Mom and Dad’s smiles and laughter fill my mind and my chest constricts tighter.

Nope. I can’t do this tonight. Not right now.

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