Page 157 of Forgiving Fate

There was a time that I would have let it. I would have let it drag me under and consume me to the point of no return. But not today.

This girl. My bluebird won’t let me. Just by staring into her eyes that are like a kaleidoscope of crashing waves, I somehow feel all that pain drift away.

Allie turns to me with a faint smile on her face. Her hair blows in the wind and when her eyes meet mine, the smile grows bigger.

I meet her halfway, tugging her sweater down her arms before she wraps her arms around my waist. She instantly rests her head on my chest and lets out a sigh of relief. My heart fills with pride and joy at the knowledge of being her safe space.

Winding my arms around her, I rest my head on top of hers and we both look back out at the ocean.

In this moment, it’s like time stands still. It’s just us. There is no pain looming over our heads, threatening to take us away.

There’s nothing but me and the other half of my damaged soul standing on this beach.

She is my anchor, and I am hers. Together we support each other in our lowest moments because we know what it is like to hit rock bottom, but we also know what it feels like to stand in the light, no longer allowing our pain to control us.

I have no idea how long we stand there, but it’s Allie shivering as the wind picks up that breaks me out of my trance.

Glancing down at her, I nod to the car, and she shakes her head no and I know she is just as desperate to remain in this moment as I am.

The wind picks up, the waves crash harder, and the sky opens up.

I turn us to head back to the car because I know she is definitely going to be ready to go now, but she stops me.

Her eyes meet mine and I give her a questioning look when she breaks out of my arms, kicks off her shoes and starts running closer to the water.

I have no idea what she is doing, but I will follow her to the ends of the earth, so I take off after her.

She stops a few feet before the water touches her bare feet and I stand back, waiting to see what her next move will be.

Allie raises her arms out to the side and tilts her chin up to the sky. The rain hits her face and I watch as her chest rises up and down and that’s when I know this is more than just her feeling the rain on her face.

This is her finally letting go of that last thread of guilt and forgiving herself. I know she’s crying, but I don’t go to her. She needs this moment, and I am lucky to witness it because it gives me the strength to remind myself of what I am continuing to fight for.

Slowly she starts to spin and every time I catch a glimpse of her face, I can see her smile growing bigger.

I don’t know when the raindrops cascading down my face turn into tears, but I couldn’t stop them if I try. My chest is filled with so much happiness.

In this moment, my bluebird’s wings are no longer clipped. They are spread wide, and she is finally flying free of the weight that held her down.

Allie is the perfect picture of what it means to survive. She fought against her own mind, that was manipulated to believe a story that wasn’t true, and forgave herself for the chaos that happened in its wake.

This girl standing here is an inspiration that strength can be messy and the path to forgiveness isn’t always clear, but if you fight hard enough, you will get to that light at the end of the tunnel.

Every day she inspires me to fight for myself and ask for help when needed. It’s okay to not be okay, but as long as you understand your inner strength and surround yourself with people that love you unconditionally despite your flaws, you can survive your mind.

Allie stops spinning and faces me, her smile still there. Although, she’s completely drenched, she couldn’t be more beautiful.

In the blink of an eye, she is running full speed at me and jumps in my arms. A laugh escapes me just before her lips crash down onto mine.

Holding her tightly, I let her take as much as she needs. I will never get over the feeling of her lips against mine. Just like when our pinkies link and she grounds me, when we kiss, it quiets the voices in my head.

Allie breaks the kiss and locks her eyes with mine. She wipes my tears away, then leans down to brush her nose against mine.

I don’t want to let her go, but she slides down my body until her feet touch the ground. She tries to tug at my hand, but I stop her.

We can’t leave. Not yet.

Wrapping one hand around her waist and holding her hand with the other, I bring her flush against my chest.

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