Page 105 of Forgiving Fate

“I don’t know.”

Everyone looks at me, and Logan steps forward. “Landon, I haven’t asked, but now I am. What is going on between you and Allie? We need to know what Allie needs so she can get help. You don’t have to tell us everything, but just give us a crumb.”

Tears fill my eyes and I lock eyes with Logan. Before I can understand what is happening, Logan is crouching down in front of me and bringing me into her arms. Against my will, sobs overtake my body and I fall into her, a completely shattered awful version of myself.

“I failed her. I knew she wasn’t okay, and I let her be selfish because it helped me. I should have gotten her help whenLachlan offered it. I shouldn’t have allowed her to enter this arrangement. I should have told her no, but she was determined, and I wanted to take the pain away. I promise I never meant to hurt her. I-I I just wanted the voices to stop-p.”

Logan holds my head against her chest and I wrap my arms around her, holding on tightly as if I am seconds from being swept away.

The room is silent besides the occasional sniffle, and this silence reminds me of how much I miss her and how close I came to losing her.

“Landon. You did so much for her. If she asked you to do something, despite it being selfish, she meant it. Allie may not be herself, but one thing will always be constant with her. She does not do anything that she doesn’t want to do. Ever. In a world of color, Allie is black and white when it comes to getting what she wants. She is strong and fiercely independent, so if she asked you to do something, even if you feel it was selfish on your part, I promise you, she wasn’t regretting it for a second.”

I try to speak but the words fail me.

I need to see her. I need to know she is okay. I need to apologize for our fight. I need to tell her I never meant the words I said. I just need her to be okay.

Logan says something, but I don’t hear it. I close my eyes, panic rising in my chest, the pain becoming unbearable.

A hand against my arm causes me to jump and my eyes fly open to see Mom sitting on the ground in front of Logan and I.

“Landon, honey, I want you to listen to what I’m about to say.”

I nod.

“There is no one here but Lo and I. I need you to tell us what is going on because this clearly goes beyond what happened with Allie tonight. Maybe what happened in your driveway a few months back?”

I shake my head rapidly. “Mom. No.”

They mutter something to each other over my head and I try to find the strength to say something, but words fail.

Panic rises in my chest and I try to untangle myself from Logan, but she holds me tighter and when I look up to her and meet her eyes, I break completely. “I’m sorry I failed your best friend. It’s all my fault.” Her eyes go wide and her arms go slack, allowing me to slip free and stand.

Mom and Logan stand and watch me pace around the room.

I need a fucking drink. I need to feel something other than pain. I need my Bluebird.

I bolt out the door, past my family sitting in the waiting room, and out to my truck. Peeling out of the hospital parking lot, I set my sights on one place and ignore my phone buzzing in my pocket.

This is all your fault.

“I know,” I say out loud to the voices in my head and punch the gas harder.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Landon

“Wake up.”

Groaning, I flip off the loud voice that’s screaming at me and shining a bright light directly in my face.

“No. Get up.”

My eyes peek open to see Wes standing above me in the shed behind Allie’s burnt down cabin.

My stomach churns and I turn on my side to throw up the entire contents of my stomach.

“Nice. Keep it going because I would rather not go back to the hospital. Kicking your ass will be much more fun.”

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