Page 56 of Bad Nanny

With a shuddering breath, I tried to process her words and allow myself to believe them. After several long minutes, the crushing pressure eased, and my breaths came less frantically.

I looked down at the ice pack on my chest. “What is this for?”

“One of my roommates had anxiety and would put ice on her chest or on the back of her neck. I’ve done it a few times when I’ve been stressed. It helps.” She took my hand again. “Was this your first panic attack?”

My defenses were poised to go up, but I didn’t let them. Denial was what had gotten me to this point. “Yes. I’m lucky to have you here, otherwise I would have made a fool of myself, calling 911.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“I still feel weird, but I can breathe normally. My heart rate has slowed.” I moved the ice bag and brought her hand to cover my heart. “Thank you.”

She gave me a tight smile. “It’s been a stressful day for you.”

That was an understatement, if I’d ever heard one. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded all my issues on you or acted like I did when you got home.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I pushed you to take her with me. Your reaction wasn’t completely unexpected.”

She shouldn’t expect me to be an asshole. I didn’t wanther to expect that. I wanted her to be excited to see me come home every day.

As scared as I was to let someone in, I couldn’t ignore my feelings for her anymore. It was faster than I’d ever expected, but pushing her away or ignoring what was developing between us wasn’t an option.

And that’s how I knew I was falling in love with her.

Right there, staring into her eyes after I’d bared my heart to her.

I cupped her cheek. “Sleep in my room tonight.”

Josie bit her bottom lip. “I’m worried that in the morning you’re going to realize it was a mistake.”

I trailed my fingers along her jaw, and her eyes fluttered closed at my touch. “I won’t.”

“And if Delaney sees us?” Her concern for Delaney cemented my decision to take this next step.

“Then she sees us. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already noticed.” There was still a tiny voice in my head that reminded me this might end badly, but I just couldn’t see that happening. That had to mean something, right?

Josie searched my face for a moment, as if looking for any trace of doubt or fear that might have lingered. A smile slowly spread across her face. “So, we’re really doing this? You’re my boyfriend?”

You’re my future wifeimmediately came to mind, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her with that little nugget of a thought. “I’m your boyfriend.”

I hadn’t realized how much the uncertainty of what we were had weighed on me. The sexual chemistry and comfortwe had with each other was one thing, but now that I knew she wanted what I did, I felt lighter.

“I’m still going to want to sleep here sometimes...” Her cheeks pinkened, and she looked over at the table covered in her puppet project. “I sometimes like to practice late at night.”

“Oh.” My heart skipped, and I wondered if I was about to panic again. If she was practicing with her puppets, did that mean she was getting ready to quit? I couldn’t go through finding another nanny. Not after having her.

“It’s an outlet for me.” She looked back at me. “What?”

“Does that mean you’re looking for another job?” I tried to keep my voice even, but it came out sounding desperate for her to say no.

She was quiet for way too long, like she was searching for the right words, so I wouldn’t panic again. “I’m not looking for a job. This is my job.”

“But eventually...you’re going to want to do something with your puppets, right?”

She shrugged, looking away. “I don’t know.”

It seemed like every time I brought up her puppetry, she shut down and didn’t want to talk about it. She seemed to love it, but maybe it was more of a hobby to her than something she wanted to do full time.

I cleared my throat. “I’m going to head to bed...” I was leaving the choice to join me up to her, even though I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her upstairs.

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