Page 14 of Rise In Arms

Please be here. God, please let her be here.

“Hazel, please, are you here? Open up.”

I press my ear against Hazel’s and my dorm room door. Whilst Blake was out at the gym, I packed a bag and drove down to the campus to get some help. Blake raped me again last night, even though I screamed for him to stop—he said he was proving to me who was in charge when it came to our relationship. But this time he put his hands on me. When I tried to fight back, he smacked me around a couple of times, nearly causing me to fall unconscious. In the end I just gave in and let him take his anger out on me—anger at me for having his child, that I talked back to him. Anger that I wasn’t just doing what he said. Who was this Blake? He’s not the Blake I thought I knew.

Today is the day we were due to attend the appointment to abort our baby growing inside me. Blake said he was heading down to the gym and would be right back to escort me himself. I’d agreed that I would do it—well, it was a lie, but I had to make him believe I wanted it as much as he did. Last night, when he forced himself on me, his hands on me this time as well, I promised myself then and there to not to fight him anymore. Let him believe that it was the right decision to get rid of this baby, because what was the use in fighting him? He was going to get his own way, anyway. So, this morning when we woke up I lied, and told him he was right all along. Having a baby right now wasn’t the best choice for us.

He smiled and kissed me softly, just like he used to, and said, “I knew you’d come around.”

I forced a smile on my cut lip, all the while hatred and anger building inside. I winced with pain as I touched my eye and cheek. Blake kept apologizing, said that he wouldn’t hurt me again now that I’ve come around. Last night, while he slept soundly next to me, I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was racing a million miles an hour. I was coming up with a plan on how to leave him. How I would get my baby and I to safety. I thought if I pretended like I didn’t want this baby as much as I wanted him, then he would go about his morning routine as per usual. And as I’d suspected, he did.

So here I am now, banging on my best friend’s door. I know I shouldn’t involve her but I have nowhere else to go. My parents are touring the Caribbean on a luxury cruise, and I’m not going to their house because Blake knows where they live.

“I’m coming. I’m coming!” I hear yelled through the door. “Geez, what’s the emergency. Oh shit, Charity, you look like crap. Is everything okay?” Hazel stands on the other side of the door, dressed in yoga pants and a tank top. She has earphones hanging around her neck, which explains why she couldn’t hear me banging. I’m wearing my sunglasses to cover my bruised eye, and luckily my clothes cover all my other bruises, but I can’t hide the pallor of my skin, the way my lips are trembling as I barely keep it together.

As soon as I see her face I crumble, bursting out into tears held in too long. How can I explain to my best friend that Blake doesn’t want the baby, and that he’s raped me twice and put his hands on me? I don’t need to explain because when she hugs me, I wince at the pain from where Blake had gripped the side of my waist with excessive force.

Hazel pulls back and looks at me closely this time. “Oh my God, Charity, what’s happened?”

“Please… can I come in?” is all I can manage in response.

“Of course, sorry,” she says, moving aside. “Come and sit on the bed.”

She takes my hastily packed bag out of my hand and places it on the floor. I take a seat on my old bed and sink my face into my hands, letting all the tears I’ve been holding in pour out.

“Hey, hey, Charity, what’s going on?” I feel Hazel’s hand run gently down my back, and I look over at her. Slowly, I remove my sunglasses, and Hazel gasps, covering her mouth with her hand, her eyes wide with shock.

“Charity, did Blake do this to you?” she eventually asks.

I nod because I can’t talk, I’m too broken, and don’t know what to say.

She turns toward me and holds me by my shoulders. “Did he do this, Charity? Tell me, I need to hear it.”

I look into her eyes, her face flushed red with her rising anger. Her long dark hair is in a bun on top of her head, and her blue eyes shine with unshed tears. My lips quiver, and memories of last night come to mind. I begin to cry again. Hazel holds me in her arms, and I let it all out—all the hurt and the pain Blake has caused me, both emotionally and physically.

When I have no more tears left in me, I pull back. “Yes, he did. He raped me and hurt me. Hazel, I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do.”

Hazel hugs me again and runs her hand down the back of my hair. “Shush, he will pay for this, I promise you he will.”

Stunned at her words, I grab her face in my hands. “Hazel, I don’t want you to get involved. The last thing I want is for him to come after you. Once he gets home from the gym, he’s going to be looking for me, and the first place he will come to is this dorm. So I’m going to run, I’m getting out of here.”

“No. No, no. You’re pregnant, and there’s no way I’m letting you run away from him by yourself. He’s obviously dangerous and has put his hands on you. Who knows what he’ll do next.”

I get up from the bed and begin to pace the dorm room. Not that there’s much room to pace. It’s a small room, with two single beds on either side. A desk with Hazel’s laptop perched on it sits under the single window, which looks out onto the campus, and a set of drawers and a single-door closet sit beside it. When we moved in, and I met Hazel for the first time, I just knew we were going to be close. We had so much in common with our similar tastes in music, guys, clothes, and food.

I chew at my nails, trying to come up with the next step of my plan. Maybe I can run to another state, or something.

“Charity, you are not running.”

I stop pacing and fold my arms at my chest. “What other option do I have, Hazel? As you’ve probably guessed, he’s not happy about the baby. He told me that I need to get an abortion, and when I refused he hit me and raped me.” I cover my face with my hands again, trying to mask my shame. “I’m so embarrassed, Hazel. How did this happen?” I say, swiping my tears away and looking up into Hazel’s concerned gaze.

She sits there for a minute, deep in thought, then as if something comes to mind, she smiles. “Okay, I know what we’ll do,” she says, her voice serious.

“There’s no we, Hazel. This is not your problem. Blake is my problem. I have to run, he’ll be finished at the gym soon and be looking for me.” In a dreamlike state, I walk back to the bed and pick up my bag to place over my shoulder, but Hazel stops me by snatching it out of my hands.

“I am not letting you go. You are my best friend, and I’m not letting you leave.”

“Are you crazy?” I cry out. “You haven’t seen this side of Blake. I didn’t recognize him, Hazel, he was so mean, so angry, so hurtful. He said he will kill me if I ever tried to leave him. I am not getting you involved in this,” I repeat determinedly.

---