Page 36 of A Little Merry

“I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but I’m truly sorry.”

Still, he resisted. Nothing could penetrate his ego. It was beginning to feel hopeless again.

“Thanks, but I’m not ready.”

“Not ready for what?”

“It doesn’t work like that. I tried to understand what happened. Tried to make sense of what you told me, but I can’t trust you not to… well, it doesn’t matter.”

I heard the sadness in his voice and wanted to hold him, but I knew he wouldn’t let me. He still didn’t believe me. “Tell me what’s bugging you. Let me see if I can fix it. What you’re thinking. It matters a great deal.”

“I can’t trust you to stay here in Cricket. You left Billy Ray. You left your hometown. You left everything behind. Why should I think you won’t do it again?”

He certainly knew how to hit where it hurt most.

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Because… because… oh, you’re not going to hear me. I broke your heart. Your family broke your heart. You’re right. Why should I be any different?”

My heart shattered into a million pieces. This man might truly be unreachable.

“How do you know about my family?”

“I can’t say. I just know.”

I wanted to tell him that my bff told me, but that would only get Noelle in trouble.

“This just keeps getting better and better.”

I decided to try an authentic approach, from my heart to his. “I love you, Lucas, and if that’s not enough, then maybe you’re right.”

“Right about what?”

“That you’re not ready for true love, and you might never be. True love rips your heart out. It wrecks you. It destroys you, but you do it anyway. You love anyway because without it, we’re not human. We’re not whole. We’re not alive. You say I broke your heart. Well, you’re breaking mine because you won’t believe me when I tell you I’m sorry, and that I love you. I really, truly love you.”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at me, cold and distant. Guarding his emotions.

Guarding his heart.

I spun around, walked back to my apartment, and turned the music down.

Lucas 10

As soon as I saw her walk away, I knew I’d made a huge mistake, but my fucking ego wouldn’t let me do anything to fix it.

I was fighting years of disappointment, and even though I knew Merry was different, I couldn’t let myself relax enough to take the chance.

Instead, I tried to work, but that was impossible.

Tried to eat, but nothing tasted good.

Hell, I even tried to rub one off, but nothing happened.

Then, when I tried to sleep, it was restless and fitful.

I finally got up on Christmas Eve morning, looked out the window at the mountains of snow, and wanted to fucking cry for that little boy who lost everything on Christmas Eve when our house got ripped apart by that damn flood.

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