Page 58 of Bad for Me

I hold an empty, stained wine glass in my hand, squeezing in as I stare at her with a blank look on my face.

The glass shatters in my hand, and blood runs down my wrists.

“No! Mary, what are you doing?!”

She runs to her clothes hamper and grabs an old towel, wrapping my hands in it.

My heart thuds in my chest so hard I think I might pass out.

She can’t do this to me…

I won’t survive it…

I can’t live without her.

I jerked awake in my bed, sweaty and heart racing, frantically looking down at my hands. Sure enough, they were fine, but the jagged scars that ran along my palms were still there. Once I blinked the sleep from my eyes, I remembered I was in Vermont now, not New York.

And certainly nowhere near Sadie Miller.

I looked over at the bright red digital clock on my nightstand. Four-forty,fuck.I rolled back over, after hitting snooze, telling myself I’d just run tomorrow.

I had class at eight today, my one early class every Tuesday. Mr. Kelly said it was important to honor the sun rising at least once a week. Whatever that means.

* * *

I could do this.Liberal Arts was my favorite class, and Mr. Kelly was my favorite teacher.

Harper and I often sat together, and while I was happy to have a familiar face, I had a new reputation to look after.

Not to say that Harper wasn’t a sweet girl, but she was more on the alternative side, the artsy crowd who spent most of their time writing in notebooks or playing guitar.

But I didn’t want to risk being called strange again, so I tried to err on the side of clean cut, pretty. Kind of like Ava.

Today I wore a lavender polo shirt with a tight black skirt and a chain belt with a skull on it. I had spent the last of my savings from my last job on a pair of platform Mary Janes.

I approached Courtney, the girl who challenged me—no,daredme to try out for the squad and sat down beside her.

Harper looked over her shoulder, with one eyebrow raised, scanning my body over as if she couldn’t understand what she saw.

“Good morning, Mary. You look very…put together today. I like it,” Mr. Kelly said in front of the entire class, and I slouched in my seat while everyone stared.

Mr. Kelly was handsome, in a nonconventional way. His heavy brow evened out his muscular jawline, and when he smiled, one side of his mouth lifted. It gave him a charming, coquettish look.

I watched Courtney grin as she gazed at him, and there might as well have been cartoon hearts in her eyes.

Gross.

I’ll pass on Mr. Kelly, and I’ll take Mrs. Kelly as soon as possible.

* * *

I lookedinto the mirror at my slightly shorter hair—glossier and healthier than ever. The mascara on my eyes had already smudged, so I did my best to clean it off with a paper towel from the locker room.

My chest felt tight, and the butterflies were back again, only this time, I felt as if they may take me in flight with them.

I had my official cheer uniform, and I marveled at myself—no, Istaredat myself in the mirror.

I was never one to care about appearances; I operated more on an instinctual level. I always made sure mom had everything she needed for work. I made sure she took all of her meds and only then did I prepare myself for my dolling up; I was just as lazy and unmotivated as any normal teen, but not with my mom.

---