Page 59 of Bad for Me

This would be the first year I took time for myself and appreciated the young woman I had turned into.

And who exactly was Mary now?

Mary 2.0 was confident; she never hid away under her long hair. She was smart, and she never passed up a good opportunity.

New Mary wasn’t obsessive and compulsive. New Mary had a plan.

“Wow, cuz, you look just as fake as a Cheer for Me Barbie doll.”

Liv had sidled her way up behind me, a flex she liked to remind everyone of…she was good at watching and sneaking.

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks, I guess.”

Liv was tall, her thin frame matched mine, although I was a little more gifted in the boob area. She pushed her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder. Our eyes met in the mirror, her brown to my grey, and she smiled.

Since she hardly ever smiled, her smile could only be described as mischievous. My cousin had caused more trouble in the past five years than I had in my entire life. Oddly, I think she enjoyed every minute.

“Give me a break, Mare. This is just a façade. An identity that will slip away once again because you can’t control yourself. Those little voices will crawl back inside your brain again, and thiscostumewill disappear. And you will become crazy, little Mary, all over again.”

I pushed her chin off my shoulder with a shrug, turning to face her. She looked like she was holding back a laugh, and it reminded me of that time we got caught kissing in the backyard of our nana’s house. She thrived in chaos, but I wouldn’t let her bring me down her chaotic little rabbit hole.

“Some people justgrow up, Liv.”

At this, she laughed.

“Yeah, Mare, you’re right. You just should have got there faster than me, considering how much older than me you are.”

I darted my eyes to the floor, crossing my arms. “Yeah, so?”

She stepped up closer to me. Her breath smelled like a cherry lollipop. I licked my lips.

“Where’s that septum piercing we got together two summers ago? And what about those tattoos along your hip? The ones on your hands that we got one night after getting drunk at Moonstones?”

I swallowed, feeling the ring in my nose itch.

No, don’t let her control you. Stay focused on your own breathing.

I shoved her, but she didn’t retaliate. She just snickered and walked off.

I had a wild streak, so what? Wasn’t it the most common symptom of trauma?

I deserved to have that wild streak.

It was there so I could lash out when I needed to, when it all felt like too much. Too much pressure, not enough care.

Liv pushed me, so I’d push back.

Some people could really trigger you, while triggering change as well. And Liv was one of those people.

6

IT ENDS TONIGHT

Three Weeksbefore the big game

Ava

This must be the last time.

---