Page 76 of Harper

And yet…

She’s fucking pregnant.

With our second child.

And God knows I want to be a part of this baby’s life. I’m not missing out on everything with my second baby like I did with Moriah Raven. God help me if Harper tries to—

Ring. Ring, Ring.

It’s got to be my cousin. She’s the only person who knows where I am.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey. You doing okay?”

“Better than I was.”

“You sound calmer, at least.”

“Two weeks in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and nothing to drink will have that effect.”

“So…you come to any conclusions about everything?”

I shrug, leaning my elbows on the deck railing. “Some.”

“Like?”

“I’m going to reach out to the adoptive parents and ask about how I can be a part of my nine-year-old daughter’s life.”

“Good.”

“I’m gonna let them take the lead, you know? I’ll do whatever they think is best for her.”

“Smart. They’re her parents. Whether you like it or not, they are.”

It hurts when Sandra says this, and I take a sharp breath in. I want to yell back, I’m her parent! But I know I’m not. I didn’t even know she existed until two weeks ago.

My rage and frustration bubble. It wasn’t my choice to let her be adopted. I never would have said yes to that. I could have been, I would have been, I should have been her father…but Sandra’s right. I’m not.

“I want what’s best for her,” I say. “And barging into her life out of the blue doesn’t feel like the right move.”

“You’ve got good instincts, Joseph.”

I take another breath, relieved that it’s smoother and deeper now.

“What about the other stuff?” Sandra asks.

“Like what?”

“The baby. You want to be a part of the new baby’s life?”

“Fuck yes,” I mutter. “That’s my kid.”

“Right. So, uh, how’re you going to—you know, make that happen with you-know-fucking-who? How’re you going to make it work?”

“I have no fucking clue.”

“I was thinking,” says Sandra. “You know, that job in Wasilla is still open. Maybe you should consider it.”

---