Page 24 of Harper

“I l-love you,” I manage to say. “And this is…intense.”

“Should we stop?”

My eyes widen. “I’ll kill you if you stop, Joe.”

He smiles at me. “Sure?”

“I’m sure,” I tell him, but he hesitates.

Beads of sweat dot his forehead. His weight is braced on his arms, and they start to shake.

I smooth my hands down his shoulder blades and spine, stopping at his butt. When I get there, I flatten my hands and push down as hard as I can, arching my back and raising my hips at the same time.

With a gasp, he impales me to my core. As I whimper with pleasure, biology takes over, Joe’s hips gyrating in faster and deeper thrusts until we’re both panting and high. I can feel it—we’re both on the brink of orgasm, and it’s going to be big.

“I’m gonna come,” he groans, his breath hot in my ear.

“Me too,” I whisper, sighing as I close my eyes and hold on.

According to every teen magazine I’ve read, it’s rare for a female virgin to climax her first time, let alone together, at the same time. Leave it to me and Joe to prove them all wrong. This time, when our cries echo across the valley, they ring with adifferent sort of pleasure, a different kind of victory.

When we’re done, we lay tangled in each other, all loose limbs and goose-bumped skin, coming back down to earth little by little until we look at each other and giggle.

“That was…”

“Mind-blowing,” says Joe.

“Yeah?” I ask, leaning on his chest.

“Yeah,” he says, very pleased with himself.

“Amazing,” I agree, but melancholy is already slipping back into my heart, whisking away the euphoria of losing my virginity to the boy I’ve always loved.

He leans up, touching his lips to mine. “You okay, Harp? Sore?”

I am a little sore, but it’s not a bad feeling. It’s a connected feeling; a feeling I’m going to look for when I’m so far away from him next year. I’ll be grateful for it then.

“I’m fine,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his chest, then sitting up to find my panties.

Joe is oblivious to the change in my mood. Everything is right in his world, the puzzle piece of our lovemaking making the developing picture of our relationship outlandishly beautiful in his eyes. Meanwhile, I feel anxiety growing in my gut and panic settling in my heart.

“Oh my god, Harp…the kids we’re going to make someday,” he says, leaning up to pull his boxers back on. He lies down on the bed of sand, pillows his hands behind his head and stares up at the bright blue sky. A wide smile tilts his perfect lips into a wide U.

A very slight ripple of annoyance undulates through me. We just graduated from high school and just had sex for the first time. I’m not ready to talk about kids and forever. It’s too much. It feels too far away, too unknowable, too unsafe. I’m not evenready to go off to college in two months. I’m definitely not ready to discuss forever.

That “Joe is too much” feeling washes over me again. Sometimes it feels like we’re in two different places in our lives—like our timing is oh-so-slightly, but oh-so-significantly off. In my heart, I know that Joe is Mr. Right…but is he Mr. Right Now?

Are we the right couple at the wrong time?

I pull on my panties with a sigh.

“After school,” he continues, “we can get jobs here in Skagway. We’ll pool our resources, borrowing from family if we need to, and buy a house. I’ll propose, and we’ll get married. We’ll be near your family and mine. It’s the perfect place to raise kids.”

“Hold your horses,” I say, trying to stay calm. With my bra and undies back on, I lay my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat under my ear. It’s steady and strong, just like Joe. If he’d stop talking about forever, it would be comforting. “One step at a time, huh? We have four years of college first. Then, I want to travel the world for a while.”

“Right. Okay. Let’s travel a little bit,” he says. “Where do you want to go, baby?”

I perk up. This is my favorite subject.

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