Page 17 of Xavier

Holding back from making a face was rather difficult.

We’d actually never had the discussion as of yet. Probably because I’d been avoiding the subject altogether ever since Xavier had brought up coming to see me with Dexter for his college tour soon.

Having him stay with me was already feeling like a ‘too good to be true’ scenario after our month’s long dry spell and jeopardizing that by getting down on my hands and knees and begging him to come to a Christmas party with me felt like asking too much of him.

Just because we’d been dating for almost an entire year didn’t exactly give me the green light in having him fork over precious time he could be spending with his son before graduation hit. They’d only just started working out their issues with each other.

Guilting Xavier into spending time with me over the holidays because I was missing having my own family around felt kind of… well, wrong.

“Yeah… I’m not too sure about that,” I said.

Ellie’s frown deepened. “Tell me the boys are at least coming home?”

Ugh, another sore subject.

With still no word from either of them on what their plans were, I was left in total limbo. Hounding them for an answer was only going to make them dig their feet in—something I absolutely didnotwant to encourage.

I felt like we were already at a delicate state in our relationship, and given the fact that I was trying to tread lightly on the whole older brother/guardian thing while giving them the freedom in doing what they wanted now that they were fully grown adults, I already teetered on the ‘overbearing’ edge of the scale.

There were too many factors that could happen in me pushing them further away from me, even if unintentional. No matter what Xavier said, the multiple times he’d reassured me otherwise and that all of this was me simply getting caught up in my head and causing me to over think my brothers pulling away from me. My gut was telling me—or rather screaming at me—otherwise.

Trusting my instincts on this one was the best thing I could do. I had to be okay with the fact that they’d come back to me eventually, as all good things did once you set them free. A little bit of hands-off parenting wouldn’t chase them away, no matter how crazy I felt inside of my own head over it.

At least, I hoped that was the damn case. I was kind of running around blind here.

How the hell did normal parents deal with this kind of shit on a daily basis?

Did it get easier with multiple kids?

It had to, right?

That’s why people usually had a whole gaggle of them. By the time you got down to the fourth or fifth one, you were a pro at saying goodbye and the feeling of your heart absolutely being ripped out of your chest.

I felt a hand pat me on the shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. “You’re doing that thing again.”

“Shit, sorry, Ellie. The boys kind of have me wound up recently.”

She smiled sympathetically. “My boyfriend has a kid who just turned sixteen and is in that wonderful rebellious phase. He says it gets easier.”

“Wait, you’ve got a new man? Since when?” What the hell haveIbeen missing?

She laughed. “It’s a relatively recent thing, so relax. I’m planning on bringing him to the party. He’ll need another newbie to bond with, so get your guy to come keep him company.”

Sighing, I said, “I’ll think about it.”

Thinkbeing the keyword there.

She nudged an elbow into my ribs gently. “I really hope you do. Every time I see you on your phone, you light up. It’d be nice to finally meet the person keeping our Gage happy.”

Damn.

Well, wasn’t that the sweetest thing I’d ever heard.

“Thanks, Ellie.”

She winked at me before sauntering off to find her next victim, most likely in the form of Hawke, who’d she would hoodwinkinto letting her take Cyrus away and shoving him over into decorating for the party because of Jase’s bitching.

Turning back to the bulletin board where all of our names were up on the duty sheet, I got lost in thinking. Maybe I really should try to invite Xavier to the Christmas party.

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