Page 51 of Just Enough

It hadn’t gone well with Roger when I had ended the thing between us. I had thought he’d pitch a fit and call me names and it’d be over with, but he had only gotten mouthy until I started packing. Then he begged me to stay.

It made me uncomfortable. It didn’t make me want to stay. It just made realize how much he cared because even now, he still called and when I didn’t answer, he’d text me and tell me that I could come back if I wanted.

I didn’t want to. It hadn’t felt good to hurt him, but it had been a relief to walk away. And it felt good not to constantly feel guilty for wanting to talk and spend more time with my best friend than Roger.

Roger deserved better. I did too. I hoped he’d find someone that could love him as much as he loved in return. I hoped I figured myself out. I hoped this body crisis would be over soon. It wasn’t fun. I was scared of how I felt. I’d never felt drawn toward anyone like I did by simply hearing Benjamin’s voice over the phone. It was sending little messages to parts of my body it had no place making throb.

I hadn’t used the dildo, but the urge was very real every night. Masturbating seemed out of the picture until Benjamin was out of my brain. That felt like I’d cross some line that shouldn’t be crossed. Benjamin coddled me all the time. How would he feel if he knew I was thinking strange thoughts lately?

It was mortifying thinking about it.

BEGONE EVIL SPIRITS! Stop doing this to my brain and body.

Giving my head a quick shake, I surveyed the apartment. It had two bedrooms. One bathroom and a joined living room and kitchen. I wouldn’t be able to wash my clothes in the apartment, but I didn’t mind taking my clothes to Dad’s while I visited him through the week. It did have a stove and fridge though, thank God!

It was decent and clean, and I wasn’t picky, so I already knew I was going to get it. I called Benjamin as soon as I made up my mind.

“Did you like it?” he asked as soon as he answered.

“I’m going to take it before he gives it to anyone else.”

“Need a roomie?” he asked with a laugh.

I felt like this was a very bad idea, especially when I couldn’t control certain areas and how they might feel around Benjamin, but I was already thinking about it, processing it, and liking the idea far too much.

“Why? You want to move in next month?”

He snorted. “You’re funny. Like I could put up with you.”

“You lie.”

“Send me pictures,” he ordered then hung up.

This was a bad idea,I reminded myself again.

I got busy snapping photos. I sent a picture of the bathroom then sent a text:

Small but will be all mine!

I took some pictures of the bedrooms.Don’t Emily.

Enough for two people.

I sent it.

Benjamin:Hmm…

Then I took a selfie in the living room.Pleaseeee stop!

And you’ll get to see her every day!

Sent.

Oh, God. I did it talking third person.

Things I would have done before suddenly seemed inappropriate.

Benjamin:SOLD!!

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