Page 50 of Just Enough

Gorilla Ben.

Benjamin. Benjamin. Benjamin.

He was everywhere even when he wasn’t here. I was so torn up. I wrote about him. Had my head been innocent about him then or…

It didn’t matter. The problem was I thought about him too much. Real life or in my fictional world, he was there.

I was so confused. It made me want him here. I always wanted him here though. Even before I became weird and grouped him with s-e-x.

So, I had to leave. I couldn’t stay with Roger, not when I had this overwhelming urge for someone else. I dreaded the confrontation. I knew the things he’d say. He’d blame Benjamin. Even though it wasn’t Benjamin’s fault I felt this way, he’d still be right.

Benjamin had complete and utter control of my world. He didn’t know that, of course, but it was the idea of him that controlled me.

Maybe it would fade with time.Please let it fade.

Chapter 15

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Benjamin

4 months prior…

There was somethingdownright wicked about trying to convince Emily to pair us up in her series. It was also equally pleasing to send her a purple dildo. Did she think of Gorilla Ben? Did the purple dildo have something to do with her breaking up with Roger? Had he finally had enough of me being in the picture.

The thought made me smile.

That probably made me an asshole.

An asshole that wanted his best friend.

We could continue for the rest of our lives being best friends, it’d just be fucking beautiful if we could bump-uglies every day while we were at it.

I was doomed. Because Emily had never once seen me as anything other than her best friend. I’d been friend zoned since we were kids, except that one day in first grade when she walked up and kissed me right on the lips. It had been my first kiss and maybe it was then that she truly weaseled her way into my entire being, but I had been so star-struck from that kiss, and my kid brain had thought it had meant something special… Until she told me she kissed three other boys before she came to me.

Hell, Emily was my first and only true heartbreak if I thought about it, too.

Emily and Roger had broken up, although I was 100 percent on board with their break-up, I still had asked Emily about it, and it had played out entirely too much like mine.

Me:Are you okay? Do I need to kick his ass?

Me:Do u want to talk about it?

Emily:Nope.

That had been three weeks ago. Now she was living with her dad again, but she was looking for an apartment. I needed to find a place to stay when I returned home too. The thought of living with my parents after living alone for three years sounded awful.

But I was so ready to get back home to see Emily.

One more month. Then I’d get to see her all I wanted.

_____

Emily

I was currentlylooking at an apartment that was available.

It was right on the edge of town, still in the county though, and a ten-minute drive from Crash’s, twenty from Dad’s, and five from the college. I could also afford the rent on my own and the utilities were included, besides TV and internet.

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