Page 81 of Holly, Jolly, and Oh So Naughty

“Will you believe me if I tell you I honestly thought I was doing the right thing? I didn’t want you to throw your life away for a stranger.”

“She wasn’t a stranger,” I reply tightly. “I loved her back then and I love her now. I have always loved her. I just squashed it down to make you happy, but I’m not doing that anymore. I don’t need you plotting my life. I don’t need you making choices for me, especially without talking to me first, do you understand?”

Mom nods, and her eyes fill with tears. “You paint me as a monster.”

“No.” I sigh softly, and my heart clenches at seeing her upset. “Your actions do. Even lately with the constant pressure for me to go back to Bernice, even though you knew I was deeply unhappy. It was like that didn’t matter to you. Nothing did other than your reputation.”

“You’re not wrong,” she replies, sniffling. “But it’s not what you think. One moment, my life was brilliant. I had everything Iwanted. Your father was planning his retirement and we were going to travel the world until we were too old to do anything.”

I frown slightly. “I had no idea.”

“Well.” Mom chuckles. “It was just going to be us. And then one day, he was just… gone.” She shakes her head, sending her curls bouncing about her face. “And suddenly, everything was dark and cold, and I felt like I was having to fight tooth and nail for some kind of familiarity. I understand I am overbearing and that I have made terrible choices.” She dabs at her eyes. “I have done terrible things to keep this family together, and then after your father died, suddenly, I was all alone.”

I didn’t expect her to acknowledge her bad choices or the pain she caused, and I’m surprised. She’s more aware than I realized. And with that comes another realization. She’s lonely. Deeply, painfully lonely. While crafting her perfect world and perfect reputation, she ended up alone with only my father knowing the real her.

And now, he is gone.

“And then losing you?” She closes her eyes briefly. “Is there a colder wake-up call than Christmas alone?”

A stab of guilt lances through my chest and I wince inwardly. It was my first Christmas without my dad, and her first without the two of us. To some, that would be punishment enough.

“I need you to understand that I don’t want my life controlled,” I say, softening my tone. “I’ve had to fight to get Lily to trust me again, and I will have to fight even longer to keep proving that to her. But I will do it because I love her, and I want to get to know my daughter and catch up on everything I’ve missed. And you are still my mother.”

She looks at me with heavy, sad eyes.

“You need to stop being so… somilitantabout life and just enjoy it, don’t you see, Mom? Dad should have been a wake-up call for you too. He worked himself to death. It was terrible and sudden, but it will hurt us for a long time and I… I don’t want that for you. And you shouldn’t either.”

We talk late into the afternoon, draining several other pots of tea, and I lay out the things over the years that will no longer be acceptable going forward. Thankfully, my mother is open to the idea, and it seems my harsh way of cutting ties with her was the last straw she needed to wake up and realize her poisonous ways.

By the time the bill arrives, we’ve reached a shaky understanding.

“If you are willing to try,” I say as I stand, “then you can be in my life. And if you are willing to work hard, then you will need some magic to make it up to Lily. But the important thing is you have to try.”

Mom stands and nods. “I will,” she says, and for the first time in memory, her smile seems to reach her eyes. “I will change. I promise, James. You won’t be disappointed.”

My arms ache suddenly, then I reach out and pull her into a hug. She squeaks in surprise, then melts into the hug with a sigh.

All I can do is ask. I can lay out the path she needs to walk, but she has to walk it herself. My heart lifts slightly and I realize Lily was right. Losing my fatherandmy mother in the same year would be too much.

“We will both do it,” I say with a calm sigh. “We will work together to be a better mother and son, a better family all around.”

Because that is what Lily and Emma deserve.

And I will do everything in my power to be the best man I can be, just for them.

33

LILY

It wouldn’t be Evergreen Falls without a burst of snowfall ten minutes after the weatherman assures everyone that it will be clear skies for New Year’s.

I walk hand in hand with Emma through town, watching the snow fall gently around us. It catches on my coat and melts into the fabric while Emma dances slightly and does her best to catch the snow with her mitten-clad hands.

James walks a few feet behind us, busy on a phone call with his lawyer.

It’s insane how busy this past week has been, and yet at the same time, it feels like no time at all has passed. As we walk toward the inn for the New Year’s Eve celebration, my mind replays the events of how we even ended up here.

James’s show of love at the town square was the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me, and the sight of him under those lights remains in my mind like a picture-perfect postcard. We have a long way to go in terms of fully trusting one another,given everything we have been through, but we’re making a good start.

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