Page 50 of Holly, Jolly, and Oh So Naughty

The air is crisp and fresh, alarming my lungs as I breathe in deeply and walk toward the motel.

We really did that.

Lily and me.

It has to mean something.

As I walk, my phone bleeps. I’d left my phone in my coat all night and hadn’t thought about it once. I check it as soon as I reach the center of the square and stumble immediately to a stop.

There’s a bunch of missed calls and then a text from my mother.

She’s coming to town to drag me back herself.

19

LILY

“Yousleptwith him?” Amelia’s voice carries across the stands to some nearby unsuspecting parents who lift their heads, curious. Those who didn’t pay us any attention were intently watching our little darlings dance their way through the last dress rehearsal of their Nativity show. Emma, bless her heart, was a sudden shepherd stand-in and mostly looked adorably confused.

I clutch her arm and duck my head slightly. “Yell it a little louder, why don’t you!”

“I’m sorry.” Amelia glances around the dark hall, then fixes her stare on me. “But Lily, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Slumping down in the hard plastic chair, I sigh deeply. “It was storming outside, and the bakery was so warm and he was just there looking so good, sounding so sad about his father, and I just… I don’t know. We’re surrounded by emotionally unavailable men and then he was there, pouring his heart out to me, and I felt so bad for him.”

“So you fucked him to make him feel better?” Amelia snorts.

“No!” I slap her arm. “It wasn’t like that at all!” How do I explain what it was like when I’m not even sure myself? Sleeping with James has brought up far too many unexpected emotions that I don’t know how to work through. Amelia is supposed to be my voice of reason once she gets over the shock.

She lifts her brow and looks me over, waiting.

“I just… hearing how much pain he was in, the way his voice would shake and everything, yes, I did want to comfort him, but then he was telling me how I made him feel all those years ago. How I was the only one who saw him, and he just had to see me again, and my heart melted.”

“And you fell for it?”

“I don’t think it was a line, Amelia,” I scold sharply. “He tracked me down and moved out here, got a job and everything. That’s an insane amount of dedication just to fuck an old flame, don’t you think?”

Amelia finally nods. “Okay, when you put it like that, it does sound more serious. But honey, and I say this from a place of love, he broke your heart.”

“I know.”

“He up and went back home, refused to take your calls, and had his mother basically tell you to fuck off. Have you spoken about any of that?”

“No,” I admit sheepishly. “There’s never been the right time.”

“Well, make sure you do before he fucks you again, or things will never be right again.”

I groan softly. Amelia’s right. I’ve been caught up in feelings and actions without doing the important thinking. It’s just so difficult because he makes me feel so safe and wanted that everything else comes easily.

Amelia’s hand lands on my leg as the next carol hymn bursts from the children. “So, how was it?”

I glance up at her to see a cheeky smile on her face, and a similar one breaks out on my own. “Amazing.”

“Really?”

“Mmmhmm. His touch certainly hasn’t changed, and he remembered all the things I liked. I didn’t even care when the power went out because everything was just so… blissful. He took good care of me first and then fucked me so hard my legs were numb.”

“What a gentleman.”

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