Page 38 of A Wish for Us

“Yeah. But it doesn’t matter. Party’s over anyway.”

“You sure?” Bryce had a nice smile. I wondered what Cromwell’s full smile would be like…I shook my head. I wouldn’t think of him right now.

“Bonn?” Bryce tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I tensed. “Sorry,” he said, blushing. “I shouldn’t have…I…”

“It’s okay.” I squeezed his hand. It wasn’t calloused like Cromwell’s. He didn’t have tattoos on his knuckles.

I doubted he could create a masterpiece from nothing either.

I released Bryce’s hand and opened my car. “I’ll see you back at his dorm.” I slipped into the car as Bryce jogged to his. I watched him go and felt an ache in my chest. I had never let him in. He’d been there all this time, on the sidelines. And I’d never let him in. I’d never let anyone in.

You can’t,an inner voice said.It wouldn’t be fair.

My traitorous brain brought Cromwell’s image back to my head. And what it felt like sitting beside him. What it felt like to touch him. Listening to him. Him fighting a smile as we sat on the grass at the concert.

“Bonn?” Easton’s slurred voice came from behind me.

“I’m here, Easton.”

“What’s happening?”

“I’m driving you home.” I turned onto Main Street. “Not long now.”

“No, withyou. What’shappening?”

My stomach fell again. It was the second time he’d asked it. A cloud of darkness seemed to settle over the car. I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I looked in the rearview mirror. Easton’s face was tormented. His hand landed on my shoulder. “You’d tell me, Bonn, wouldn’t you? The truth.”

“Easton.” A lump the size of Jupiter clogged my throat. “I’m okay.” I hated myself the minute I said those words. “Just rest.”

Easton smiled in relief, but I could see the lines of worry still printed on his forehead. He must have been thinking this for a while. My hands shook on the wheel as I drove the rest of the way home. I pulled into a parking spot in front of his place.

Bryce pulled in beside me. I turned off the engine and just sat in silence for a second. It was all getting too hard. It was all getting too much. I looked at the students staggering drunkenly back to their dorms and felt a gap form in my stomach. I had never experienced that. Would never know what it felt like.

I wasn’t one to wallow. But right then, I let the grief for what I had to miss consume me.

A knock on my window snapped me out of my sadness. Bryce’s face was there. “Open the door. I’ll get him out.”

I pushed out of the car, trying to ignore the fact that my legs felt like lead. Bryce threw Easton’s arm around his neck. I led the way to the room. I pulled out my key, but I paused when I thought of how Cromwell had reacted before.

I knocked on the door. My heart worked overtime as I waited to see if he would answer. It had been only hours since he’d walked out on me.Yet it felt like a lifetime ago. No one answered. He must have still been at the Barn.

I slid my key into the lock. As I did, the knob turned and the door opened. I lurched forward, righting myself at the last minute with my hand on the doorframe.

It took me a while to lift my head, but when I did, I was greeted with a hard, wide chest, every inch of which was covered in tattoos. I sucked in a breath when I saw Cromwell standing before me in only black boxer briefs. His chest was rising and falling, and I realized he was out of breath.

His dark blue eyes were glazed from liquor and struggled to fix on me. “What the fuck?” he growled.

“Cromwell, I’m sorry. It’s Easton. He—” My voice cut off when I heard a mattress creak. My eyes immediately moved to Cromwell’s bed, and my heart completely shattered in my chest. I didn’t know that was possible. I didn’t realize my heart was still able to function this way.

“Cromwell?” A voice I knew sailed from the bed. Kacey lay under the comforter, only her bra straps showing.

My face set on fire. My cheeks burned and I struggled to breathe. I looked up at Cromwell and found him still watching me. Only now his face had paled. His lips parted, as if he was going to say something, but the only word whispered was “Bonnie…” I heard something in his voice. Saw something in his eyes as he stared at me, something I couldn’t explain. Guilt? Embarrassment?

I didn’t know if that was just wishful thinking.

Ever the one to torture myself, I couldn’t stop studying him further. His chest was red and glistening. His hair, which was, to be honest, always in some form of disarray, was even more messy and unkempt. And then I focused on his lips. I didn’t know why, but seeing them red and swollen got to me most. When I’d gotten to my dorm tonight, I’d stupidly let myself wonder what it would be like to kiss them. To feel them against mine. To hear my name whispered from them as he held my hand…

I made myself focus on the here and now and push that painful vision from my head. Cromwell was practically naked. As was Kacey. I quickly realized that Cromwell hadn’t cared. What we had sharedtonight hadn’t meant anything to him. Not if he could, only hours later, go out and do this.

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