Page 39 of A Wish for Us

“Oh, hi, Bonnie.” Kacey sat up in the bed. Her eyes avoided mine. Her cheeks blazed with embarrassment.

“Hi,” I managed to force out. I turned, ignoring Cromwell. “Um…I was bringing Easton home. He drank too much.” I walked back to where Bryce was glaring daggers at Cromwell. “But he can stay in my room with me. I can see you’re busy.”

I put my hand on Bryce’s shoulder and ushered him back. I didn’t want to turn around to see if Cromwell had shut the door or watched us go. But nothing seemed to be going my way tonight. A glutton for punishment, I glanced over my shoulder, only to see Cromwell standing in the doorway, his tattooed body taut as his hands gripped his black hair. But it was those deep blue eyes. Those eyes as dark as a summer’s night that fixed on mine, drunken desperation shining in their depths, that utterly destroyed me.

With every step, I grew more and more confused. It was only when I missed the turning for my dorm room that I realized how shake up I actually was. There was a pit forming in my stomach.

I wanted to gouge out my eyes when all I kept seeing was Cromwell’s flushed skin and pink cheeks. His chest coated in sweat from…from…

“Bonnie, it’s this way.” Bryce was waiting for me at the door to my dorm.

I smiled and brought out my key. “Sorry. I’m so tired.” I didn’t know if Bryce bought it or not, but he dutifully followed me through my door and placed Easton on my bed.

Easton was fast asleep in seconds. I pulled the comforter over him and then faced Bryce. “Thank you,” I said, finally making myself look at him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I need sleep. I…I still haven’t been feeling too well.”

“Okay.” Bryce stood awkwardly on the spot, before he leaned down and pressed a kiss on my cheek. I sucked in a breath as his lips touched my skin. My chest didn’t tingle with flutters, and my stomach didn’t tighten the way it did around Cromwell, but it was sweet. Bryce was sweet.

And he wasn’t intent on self-destruction. On destroying me too.

“See you tomorrow, Bonn.” He walked out of the door. I rocked onmy feet as I watched him go. I thought back to Cromwell and Kacey. The way he clearly didn’t feel anything toward me like I’d thought. The music he’d shared with me meant nothing; it was simply a display of his talent. I laughed a mirthless laugh. I thought I’d somehow helped Cromwell play from his heart in some magic way. It turned out it was only true in my mind.

“Bryce?” I spoke before I’d even thought it through. But when Bryce turned, I ignored the blush that burst on my face and said, “You know you always ask…” I shook my head, my voice wavering. I tipped my chin up and met his eyes. “If you want, we could go out on Friday?” I glanced at the floor. “I mean, if you want—”

“Yeah,” he said before I even got a chance to finish my words. He took a step closer to me. “I’d love to take you out.”

I didn’t get the fireworks I’d expected in my soul. But I got a happy bloom, and I supposed that was enough.

“Good.” I put my hands in my pockets, just for something to do.

“Good.” He smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bonn.”

I changed into my pajamas in the bathroom then lay on the small sofa bed that my mama had put in my room when I moved in. I stared at the ceiling when sleep didn’t find me. I willed my brain to turn off, because I didn’t want to feel anymore. But it betrayed me. It didn’t help me by allowing my body to rest, my limbs too heavy and aching. Instead it showed me this evening like a show reel. From the start to the finish.

When it ended, I found myself starved of breath. But I forced a deep inhale and refused to give in. I had fought for so long, never giving up. I was fighting still.

I wouldn’t give up now.

As my eyes grew heavy, I failed to get rid of the image of Kacey in Cromwell’s bed, cheeks flushed and eyes bright.

I stared at my hand, the one that had touched him earlier. And it quickly lost its shine. It seemed as though Cromwell would let anyone touch him but me.

And, I hated to admit to myself, that hurt.

* * *

“Bonnie.” Professor Lewis blew out a slow breath.

I met his gaze straight on. “I can’t…” I shook my head, feeling the palpitations like thumps in my chest. I rubbed at my sternum. “Professor Lewis, I understand your position about dropping partners. I do. But working with Cromwell…” I sighed. “Frankly, it’s been the most trying academic thing I’ve ever done.”

Lewis studied my face. “Ms. Farraday—”

“Have you checked your emails today?” I glanced at the clock; it read eight thirty. I’d met Professor Lewis as he was unlocking his office ten minutes ago. I knew he probably hadn’t.

He frowned. “Why would that matter?”

---