Page 92 of A Thousand Broken Pieces

Leo’s hand came on my shoulder. “Again, you don’t have to, son.”

Savannah’s grip tightened in my hand. I glanced down at her. Her blue eyes were wide and full of conflict for me. I wanted to be better for her. Hell, I wanted to be better formyself.

“I can do it,” I rasped, and Leo studied my face. After a few seconds, he nodded, but his eyes were cautious. I knew he was worried for me.

Just before I released Savannah’s hand, she pressed a kiss to the back of it and stepped away. As I walked forward, I held on to the feel of her kiss, still branded on my skin. Walking to the phone booth was like walking the green mile. To me, the phone booth didn’t look enticing but rather like my biggest fears made flesh.

I stopped at the door and forced myself to open it. The silence wasdeafening on the inside, the lack of sound piercing my ears like it was a painful high-pitched frequency. Then I placed my hand on the phone. It felt cold and hard. My chest began moving up and down. Too quick. My breathing was too fast. Sweat beaded on my brow, but I took a deep breath and made myself pick up the receiver. It shook as I brought it to my ear.

Just imagining Cillian on the other side, waiting for me to speak, crushed me. My voice became lost in my throat, and like it did so often, that night played in my head like a movie reel. Showed Cillian crashing in surround sound and in high definition. I tried to speak, but no sound came. And despite my effort, my knees buckled and I dropped to the ground. The phone hung off the shelf, swinging back and forth. I let it go, wanting to tell Cillian how much I loved him, how I missed him and how life without him, somedays, felt like no life at all. But all I saw was him broken in my arms … gone.

Gone.

My brother wasgone!

I broke then. Racking sobs tore through my body and I couldn’t stop them. Couldn’t lift myself off the cold phone booth floor. The door flew open and Leo bent down. He helped me to my feet and took me to the path. But still the sobs didn’t stop. Dylan flanked my other side, helping Leo carry me down the path and to the bus that waited for us. A familiar hand landed on my back, and I knew it was Savannah. That was my girl. Always there with a supportive touch. With her love and our shared two squeezes of our hands.

The journey back was a blur, time relinquishing itself to sadness. I couldn’t say goodbye. I just couldn’t say goodbye.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

Not yet.

Leo and Dylan helped me from the bus into my room. They laid me down on the bed, and before my head even hit the pillow, Savannah was wrapped around me. I breathed some then. I always did when she was near. But the sobs still came. They came until no tears fell down my cheeks and the sun had given way to the moon. Leo stayed in the room with us the entire time, letting me purge everything from my soul.

He eventually got up from his seat and said, “I just need to speak to Mia.I’ll be back in a minute. Will you be okay?” I nodded my head. I couldn’t speak. My voice was lost.

When he left, Savannah immediately sat up. Her eyes were red with sadness.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she said. “Sorry that hurt you so much.”

I stared into those blue depths and knew that if we were to have any kind of future, I needed to get better. “I love you,” I said, just as a knock sounded on my door. Mia came through, Leo following behind.

“Savannah,” Mia said, gently, “let’s go and have some dinner.”

“No.” Savannah shook her head. I wanted to smile at her tenacity, but I couldn’t muster enough energy to do it.

“You haven’t eaten,” Mia said. She then looked to Leo. “Let Leo and Cael talk some.”

Savannah opened her mouth to argue, but I said, “Go on, Peaches.” I met Leo’s eyes. The look he gave me told me he needed to speak to me about something, something I wasn’t sure I was going to like. “Get something to eat.”

Savannah searched my face. “Are you sure?” her gaze dropped. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“I know, baby,” I said, sitting up and cupping her face with my hands. I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her mouth. “I’ll be okay. I promise,” I said, praying those words were true.

“Okay,” Savannah said, full trust in me. It made me feel a little stronger. She was still in this with me.

I watched her leave with Mia, heart breaking all over again, when she turned back and gave me a watery smile. When the door shut behind them, I turned to Leo. “I need that extra help when we get home,” I said. “Today made me realize just how much farther I have to go.”

Leo nodded, then said, “I suggest we leave now.”

Shock and panic instantly surged through me. “Now?” I said, jumping off the bed. “I don’t want to leave now. I don’t want to leave Savannah. I want to travel home with her and the others. See this through until the end.”

Leo came over to me, a wary expression on his face. “Son, I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do, but I worry if you see Savannahagain, or stay until the end, you won’t go.” I pictured Savannah’s face, remembered her arms clasped around me, how she made me feel safe and like I could just lean on her forever … I exhaled in defeat. He was right. Iknewhe was right, but I just wanted to see her, one more time. I wanted to say goodbye. Make plans for when we were apart. How we would keep moving forward.

“Cael, do you love her?” Leo’s question made my head snap up and pull me from my racing thoughts.

I met his eyes. “Completely,” I replied. My voice was steady. My love for Savannah was the one thing I was certain of. Everything else had shaken me to my core. My love for Savannah was concrete.

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