Page 91 of Tangled in Knots

“I’ll find out where the best spots are to nap from the host club,” Aisling says with a smirk. “I touch base with a few of them throughout the week. I am also going to give you the heads upthat I’m going to have them check on you. So if a very large alpha jock comes up to speak to you, please don’t use your stun gun on him.”

Her words almost startle a laugh out of me, and my lips curve up. “I’ll do my best,” I promise.

Aisling stares at me for a moment before doing her best not to make a big deal about it.

“Is there anything else Adira needs to know?” she asks.

“I want to draw more blood next month to see how you’re progressing. There are some medical journals that are saying that there’s a hormone level I can watch to track an upcoming heat,” Laurell says. “I don’t want you to be taken by surprise. It will also tell me if the suppressants are doing their job.”

“Thank you,” I tell her earnestly. “This puts my mind at ease.”

I’ve been agonizing late at night about how long the test results have been taking to come back. My anxiety has been off the charts, and since the internet has been where I find so many of my answers, I searched for a possible remedy for it.

The results popped up with various forms of meditation, something I didn’t know if I could do. Two days ago, I started, and it’s been helping. I think I’m going to continue to do it, because Damon gets quieter as well.

I’m unsure about how I feel about this side effect, but it’s giving me the room to be able to be alone with my thoughts. Peace still feels a long way off, but I don’t feel as if I’m about to crawl out of my skin, so I’m calling this a win.

Aisling squeezes my hand, and I release her, taking a breath as I stand next to her. I need to go up to the school to get my books today, and there’s some kind of back to school festival in front of the Student Union.

The outreach center is taking my mail for me, and in the student packet I received today, it strongly advised that I attend.

Okay, bossy pants, I’ll swing by, damn.

Aisling opens the door, and I walk out behind her, deep in thought. There are buses that run at odd times, so I’m going to check online, to see when the next one that drops off, at the university will be. While I did buy a phone, it’s a very minimalistic device that won’t access GPS or the internet.

I’m terrified of spending money, and I really only need it to be able to talk to Caleb or the school. I can receive text messages, which helps if Aisling needs something during the day.

Otherwise, it feels like a waste of time and money to get something that has all of the bells and whistles. I’ll manage.

“Have you thought about going shopping for clothes?” Aisling asks suddenly. “It may not seem like you need it, but it may be nice to buy something of your choosing. At least, it always helped me.”

“How so?” I ask, confused.

“Omegas need to have control, and you haven’t had very much of it lately,” she explains. “Your room doesn’t have anything you’ve chosen, your clothes aren’t things you’d probably normally wear. Have you been feeling off?”

“Every day,” I reply immediately. The meditation may be helping, but I haven’t grown an entirely new personality. When I lived with my father, my things had to be exactly perfect. I even asked him if I could clean my own room. He looked at me a little funny, but told me it was fine.

That happened around the time I turned eighteen, and I needed control, as Aisling said. I didn’t really realize that’s what it was.

“I didn’t think about that,” I mutter. “Is it bad that I feel this anxiety around spending money?”

“As if it’s slipping through your fingers?” Aisling asks, brow raised. “It’s not odd at all. When you’re working like mad to go from having nothing to a nest egg, every penny feels important.I know some really great thrift stores that sell clothing that looks vintage and not cheaply made.”

“I think I’d like to go shopping for a few things, then,” I admit. “I’ll even try really hard not to feel guilty.”

“It’s self care,” she says with a nod. “Do you want to go now, and then I’ll drop you off at the school? I’ll find out the next times the bus runs for you so you can get back.”

“Thank you,” I say with a smile. “Let me just grab my things.”

I did buy myself a little safe to put in my closet with my bank card, stun gun, and pocket knife for when I’m here. It seems silly to carry it with me at all times, and there are children here. I don’t expect people to steal from me, but you can never be too careful.

Walking through the outreach center, I use the key I now have to walk through to the shelter. It's quiet since it’s barely noon, and people are working or doing other things. Quickly gathering what I need, I put my outer clothes on and strap my crossover bag over my chest.

I’m going to need a backpack for my school supplies, and hope the thrift store may have something that’ll work. While I hate spending money, Aisling makes perfect sense. Having something that’s mine will help me feel better.

Omegas are materialistic in the sense that their possessions help them create a nest. The items have sentimental value, or are things that are pretty that caught their eye. For omegas with alphas who aren’t the equivalent of dick cheese, they also look for things that smell like their mates.

Shaking away the thoughts that make me wish for things that can’t be, I head out to meet Aisling. She surprises me by meeting me in the hallway, pointing toward the side door.

---