Page 189 of Tangled in Knots

I have one more class today, and then I’m done for the day. I desperately need a nap, but I have to go by Finnegan’s Bar to officially quit. See what I mean about changes? Caleb was there for me and gave me a job even when I was a nobody with zero experience.

I hate everything about goodbyes. I don’t think I’ve ever had to do as much as I have in the last few months.

“Adira, come here,” Damon growls. “I need to hold you. I’m feeling so many conflicting emotions from your mind. Fuck the math work, you’re a damn genius and you know it.”

“I don’t know about all that,” I grumble, pushing away my math book. My arm and wrist don’t hurt anymore, and I am really happy I don’t have to wear the splint and sling anymore.

It opened me to so many stares and unsolicited questions.

Damon moves the book he had in his lap to make room for me, and I stand to walk over to him.

“I feel unsettled and my mind is really loud,” I say softly, sitting in his lap.

“Tell me more,” he murmurs, shifting me, so he can wrap his strong arms around me.

As an omega, I’m touch starved. I won’t give into group cuddles with Pack Dresmond as often as I should, because of my roiling sea of emotions.

“I’m a mess,” I whimper.

“You're human, little omega,” Damon whispers, breaking open the barrier of tears I’m holding back. “There it is. Adira, tell me what’s going on. I can’t even catch any thoughts in your head, because it feels like a dull roar.”

“The roar is pretty loud for me,” I mutter. “I’m sad so much is changing, excited about possibly buying a house that will settle my need for stability. This will be mine, and I need that. I’ve never had that before.”

“The rental is temporary,” he agrees. “We’re sick of it too, and we’ve never had a stable place either. We moved between different homes often as kids and through adulthood. The four of us have been talking about getting a place, but it makes the most sense for you to buy it. We just care that we can secure it for all our safety. Outside of that, we aren’t picky. We also decided you’re stuck with us. We’re done being pushed away, baby.”

“I’m getting that feeling,” I mumble. “A part of me wants to move past things, find a way to accept you all as my mates.”

“There’s no rush,” Damon says. “Even when you accept us all, we’ll treat you like our queen. Kane and Jed are working on their relationship with Morris. I don’t know much outside of the fact that he’s struggling to completely open up with them. I think he really was going to walk away from the pack.”

I’m not the only one hurting. I need to remember that, even when my emotions feel as if they’re going to drown me. A beta and omega are what balances a pack.

“He can’t do that. It’s obvious that Morris keeps you all on the straight and narrow,” I say.

“He does. Even when I just went through the motions of things, he would keep us on track,” Damon says. “I think Morris may think I don’t care about him, but I didn’t worry about anyone or anything until you, Adira. You woke me up from being in this dark stupor.”

“I went from being numb to feeling too much,” I admit. “It’s as if the faucet in my emotions went to full blast, and now I can’t get it to stop.”

“Name a few,” he urges. He keeps asking me to talk to him, but he may regret it.

There’s a lot.

“For instance, I hate goodbyes. I haven’t had to leave so many people in my entire life,” I sigh. “The shelter, I have to quit myjob even though Caleb has probably already replaced me, it’s a lot.”

“You can still go to the events at outreach,” he reminds me gently. “Maybe check out the group therapy sessions.”

“I may, talking about my life is depressing,” I tell him. “I’m melting down talking about a minute portion of my brain vomit, I can’t unleash that on anyone else, Damon.”

He chuckles under his breath, his hand rubbing my back as he snuggles me. “Again, I think it helps not to keep everything bottled up, so keep talking,” he says. “As for Caleb, no one is stopping you from swinging by to see him whenever you want. It’s not completely goodbye, even if it feels like it.”

“I know that, but my brain is a liar,” I mutter. “And then there’s…”

“Mmhmm,” Damon urges. “What else is your mind lying to you about?”

“Sex,” I say so softly I’m not sure he hears me. “My body wants things, but what if the bitch in my head decides to ruin it? I’ve only ever had sex half out of my mind, Damon.”

“The bitch in your head sucks,” he says. “Whoever you decide to have sex with will need to keep your mind on them. As someone who doesn’t have the best track record regarding sex, it’s hard for me to say what would help. You’re the only other person I’ve had sex with since the time my brother drugged me when I was eighteen.”

“Really?” I ask, eyes wide.

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