Page 64 of Another Postcard

In the meantime, I lay awake at night without her and missed her like crazy every fucking day.

37

Brooklynn

The day I arrived home, a bouquet of purple roses showed up at my door. Levi’s note was beautiful and I burst into tears. I’d gone to bed and cried myself to sleep.

I’d always heard that heartbreak was deadly. There were endless songs dedicated to warning you to avoid it, some lamenting it, some making you feel it with them, and every other facet of it. If you asked me, I’d say they were rightandwrong. I didn’t feel the pain they always described, but I suspected that was because they were right when they said it was deadly. Every day, I woke up and went through the motions of life, but I don’t think anyone could classify what I was doing as living. The day of the flowers was the last time I remembered feeling anything.

Though, the lack of feeling may also have had something to do with me becoming more familiar with my pain pills than I should have over the next few weeks. But, despite everything that had happened, there were things I couldn’t continue to neglect. Mostly, I had to face the demons of my past. Baylee had only me, I couldn’t just walk away. You didn’t walk away from family when they were in need. That definitely wasn’t something my parents ever grasped and even if I did have some of their darkness inside me, I would never let it consume me the way they had.

Eventually, I dragged my ass out of bed, tossed the pills down the drain, and started making phone calls. The first thing I did was get on the phone to a realtor in my home town. I didn’t know why it took me so long, but I was determined to shed my parents’ baggage. The first step was selling the property where the house we grew up in still stood. We hadn’t lived there since we went to foster care, but it had been paid off by my dad’s life insurance and without a will, it had gone to the next of kin when they died. Me. It was kept in a trust until I was eighteen and for some unrecognized reason, I hadn’t sold it. I still paid the property taxes every year, but that was it. I never saw it again. I could only imagine the shape it was in. I contracted to have the place demolished and put the land on the market. Their first opening wasn’t for six weeks, but a demolition date was set and it was one thing to check off my list.

I was going through the motions, feeling almost nothing. The only thing there was a spark of fear that kept me from facing Baylee until I couldn’t put it off any longer. Dr. Arnold had told me it was best to stay away for a while anyway. That’s the excuse I used most days. Then she left me a message to tell me that I needed to make a decision about Baylee’s long term care. I’d been waiting for the hospital bill to show up, and I was sweating about what it was going to cost for the kind of facility she needed to be in. But, I hadn’t gotten any mail or phone calls from the billing department. One more thing I could procrastinate.

Standing at the doors to the hospital, I stared at them for a good ten minutes. Still nothing. I couldn’t muster up dread, guilt, certainly not happiness. I gave up and walked inside, asking where to find Dr. Arnold and following the directions to her office. Her door was open and I took a moment to study her as she stood by a filing cabinet, reading from a folder. For some reason, I’d pictured a tall, statuesque woman, blonde and beautiful. In reality, she was pretty average. Medium height, light brown hair caught up in a twist at the back of her head, average weight. Then I knocked and she looked up and I was struck by her eyes. They were hazel, nothing truly spectacular in color, but they were brilliant, or rather she was brilliant and it was clearly reflected in her eyes. They were also filled with kindness and for the first time in weeks, I felt a little warmth seep through my bones.

“You must be Brooklynn,” she said with a smile. “Baylee looks so much like you.”

I nodded and shuffled in to take a seat in front of her desk. “I hear that a lot,” I mumbled. She sat behind her desk and picked up a different folder, and handed it to me with the one she’d been reading when I knocked.

“The blue folder is information about Baylee’s condition and her progress reports. The second one is brochures for some facilities I recommend for Baylee. I’d like to go over everything with you if you have some time.”

For the next hour, we talked about Baylee’s future, her progress and the plans for what was next. When we got to the brochures and their pricing estimates, I wondered how the hell I was going to pay for it. Especially when I wasn’t sure what the fall out over my contract with Stone Butterfly was going to be. I’d figure it out. Whatever Baylee needed. Family, I reminded myself.

“I’m not sure what I can afford right now,” I admitted dispassionately. “I haven’t even seen the hospital bill yet.”

Dr. Arnold tilted her head and looked confused. “What do you mean? It was my understanding that the hospital bill had been taken care of.”

I shook my head and sighed. “Nope.” I didn’t even have the frame of mind to freak out about it.

She picked up her phone and made a call, when she hung up, she tapped on her computer and then the printer spit something out. Snatching it, she handed it to me across the desk. “Here’s a copy of your bill.”

I frowned as I took it. The first thing I saw was the billed amount. Even a dead person’s heart would start pounding at the sight of that number. Holy fucking shit. I’d still be paying that off for multiple lifetimes. Then my eyes dropped to the bottom where it gave the amount due.

$0.00. Paid in full.

“What the fuck?” I shouted then immediately slapped a hand over my mouth. “Dr. Arnold, holy crap, I’m so sorry.”

She waved off my concern and laughed. “It’s a warranted reaction.”

“Do you know who paid it?” I asked. I had an idea, but I wanted her to confirm it.

She shrugged. “I asked and all they would all me was that it was an anonymous donor.”

Sure, it was. Part of me wanted to tell them to send it back and set up a payment plan with me. The other part, the one in control, wasn’t that stupid (thank goodness) and it kept my mouth shut. The reality was, as much as I didn’t want to owe him, I couldn’t handle this on my own. The kind of facilities the state would assist with were scary on way too many levels. And, the truth was, as hurt as I’d been by Levi’s accusations, I knew he would never do this with any expectations of payback. He’d never accept it either.

“Okay, thanks,” I mumbled and shoved all of the papers and folders into a tote bag I’d brought. It also had a couple of things for Baylee. I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably. “Um, I brought some things for Baylee. Should I—can I take them to her?”

Dr. Arnold tapped her lips with one index finger as she considered my question. “I know you are each others only family. It’s always one of my goals to try and keep those ties strong. She’s doing very well and I’m hoping she’ll be happy to see you. But, I’m more concerned about you than her if she isn’t.”

“I’ll be fine,” I told her, knowing I wouldn’t feel it either way. She nodded and led me down a sterile white hallway, hanging right at the corner and then stopping at a thick, white door, with an oblong window in the top half. She swiped a key card on the pad next to it and I heard the gears shift and click. Opening the door, she motioned for me to wait while she went in first.

“Good morning, Baylee.”

“Hi, Dr. Arnold.”

Baylee’s sweet voice sliced through the numb. I grabbed my chest and bent over, the feeling shocking me, reminding me why I preferred not to feel at all.

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