Page 91 of Hold Me Before You Go

I began shaking my head, trying to find the right words. “It’s not—”

“Care Bear, what did we do to you?” he asked, his voice raw now, giving me something I’d never seen from him before. The nickname slammed into me, hurting me in way I never thought it could. Everyone from that group called me that. “Did we—were we not—” He cut himself off, shaking his head and looking to the floor again. “Whatever we did—whateverIdid—to hurt you, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I moved then, rounding Grayson’s coffee table. “You did nothing wrong,” I said, crying. “None of you did anything wrong—”

“Then why?” he asked, the question slicing me open completely. “Why did you run away? Why didn’t you call us? You know Oasis would do anything for you. We would’ve protected you.”

I was shaking my head again, the answer wanting to come out, but I held it in.

Jeremy put both of his hands over his heart, his face twisting in confusion and disbelief. The band of his wedding ring shone underneath the kitchen lights. “What did we do wrong? Tell me.”

I bit my tongue, tears streaming down my face now.

“Jeremy,” Grayson called out softly. “Maybe—”

“Fuck you,” he growled, glaring at the bounty hunter he’d hired to find me—to bring me back to the home I never wanted to return to. “She was in fucking danger, and you didn’t fucking call me. Why the fuck is she even here? Why is she even involved with Red Snake?”

“Jeremy, please,” I rasped.

“Please what?” he barked, leaned forward. “I want some goddamn answers. For fuck’s sake, when Mason Langston called me to tell me about a woman one of the fucking cowboys spotted on a trail camera—”

“You know Mason?” I asked, shocked.

“Mason is my fucking boy, Carrie. That was something you would’ve learned if you hadn’t fucking run away to—”

“—and when, dare I ask, were you going to let me out of that damn rehab, Jer?” I shouted, the dam finally breaking. Suddenly, anger was all I felt, towards him and everyone else in that city.

The room went dead silent, my question hovering over us like a bomb getting ready to drop.

I took a single step forward, unable to stop the words now. “You guys kept me in there for a fucking year,” I spilled out, my heart on the floor now. Jeremy’s throat worked, but he said nothing. “I wasdying. My soul was on the brink of death and no one of you even noticed.”

He jerked back. “Carrie—”

“I love you, I love everyone there, but I was done,” I sobbed, my body shaking now. “I was done with that city. I had to leave so I couldlive.” I felt Grayson at my back again.

“Carrie, you tried to die,” Jeremy whispered, judgment absent from his voice. “No one blamed you, no one looked down on you. Given everything you had gone through, how could we? You lost everything, the love of your—”

“The love of my life is standing right behind me,” I cut him off, emotions swirling in my belly, my heart pounding. My old friend jerked back once more as my words hit him, and slowly, oh so slowly, Jeremy’s eyes left mine to look at Grayson. He said nothing, and I continued, not wanting to give him a chance to speak yet. “Robert Hale was a horrible human being and husband. He never loved me. He starved me. He verbally and physically abused me. After his death, I just wanted everything to stop. I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel because I didn’t think I was deserving of it.”

I didn’t tell him about my dead husband being a serial killer.

Grayson and Red Snake were still handling that, apparently, and I was still trying to process that particular nightmare.

I didn’t tell him about the suppressed memories.

Frankly, that was none of his business.

The room remained silent, and I felt Grayson stiffen behind me, the energy in the room changing. I was too far gone to notice. The truth needed to come out. Jeremy deserved to know the truth, no matter how much it hurt both of us. “I was blinded by the life my father set me up to live, and due to that, I acceptedRobert. At the beginning of our marriage, I had hope, and I believed he truly loved me. Our love was different than everyone else’s. That’s what I told myself every single night before bed.”

“Carrie—”

“He starved me,” I repeated, my soul bleeding now. “Both of them did. My father and then Robert.”

Jeremy looked away from me, his throat working as his jaw tightened.

“I love you, Jer. I love the family you tried to bring me into, but you need to understand, I was never meant to be there. I had to get out, and I knew that if I didn’t, I would’ve remained in the white-walled room with bars on the window and a shitty twin bed. I got out, and when I thought I was finally free, Grayson showed up,” I continued, my voice shaking.

“We just wanted you home safe,” Jeremy murmured, looking at me again, his voice thick. There were tears in his eyes now.

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