Page 67 of Hold Me Before You Go

My eyes sliced over to Hayes once more. “We should’ve done more. I should’ve dug into the Robert Hale and ignored your orders to leave it alone. I didn’t want to, Gray. I swear to fucking Christ, I didn’t want to. I felt something in my gut about that fucker and I should’ve dug into him. I’m sorry,” Hayes said, his voice cracking.

“Guys, this isn’t—”

“The second you claimed her, she was under our protection,” Ash cut me off, looking solemn.

“Hell, she should’ve been under our protection the second you let her go and we just didn’t see it,” Hayes murmured, more so to himself than to us.

I cleared my throat. “Look at me, both of you.” When I had both pairs of eyes on me once more, I said, “Carrie getting kidnapped wasn’t your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.Carrie may be under the protection of Red Snake, but she is mine. I’m her first line of defense, her protector, and I failed her. And to answer your questions truthfully, I’m not okay. This has turned into a shit show of what the fuck, and we have a lot that we, as a team, need to handle and discuss. But not before we go to Hallow Ranch in the morning and get Carrie back.”

Both men nodded.

“When everything is done and settled, I’m going to get some help. That is my promise to both of you and to Red Snake,” I said firmly.

They nodded again.

“Good. Now, go get some sleep,” I commanded as I looked to Hayes, “I want to be in the air at sunrise.”

“Yes, boss,” he replied, giving me a rare smile.

Chapter Sixteen

Carrie

I poked my head out into Mags’ small hallway, waiting to hear a sound. The sun was shining outside, and the ground was covered in thick snow.

Last night, after Mags left me alone, I finished the rest of my food and fell back asleep on the couch. Sometime later, I was woken up by the cowboy again. He had been holding a bag of clothes and toiletries in one hand, an older-looking radio in the other. He’d helped me up, directing me to the guest room, andthen showed me where the bathroom was down the hall. His bedroom was at the end of it.

I’d taken my shower first with Mags posted right outside the door, just in case something happened. Luckily, my feet were better than I’d expected them to be, maybe a blister or two, but I wasn’t going to lose them. That was what mattered. I don’t know how or why, but I was thankful I survived that long out in the cold. After my candlelight shower, I put on the sweats and hoodie Valerie had given Mags. She also included a note inside the bag.

Then, I pulled back the covers of Mags’ guest bed, and I was out before my head hit the pillow.

Now, it was morning—early morning by the looks of where the sun was, and the cabin was quiet. I looked down towards the master bedroom, finding the door open. I stretched my neck, peeking inside to find the bed was made, not a single thing out of place.

Perhaps Mags was already working on the ranch today.

Nevertheless, I still tiptoed across the hall, into the bathroom, happy to find the power was back on, and brushed my teeth. Once that was done, I did my best to tame my curls before looking at myself in the mirror. The bruise on my cheekbone was fading fairly quickly, and my lips looked way better this morning, thanks to the ChapStick Valerie had given me. Slowly, I brought my hands up to my face, pausing when I spotted the bruises from the zip-ties.

For a moment, I forgot about my bruised face, bringing my other hand up, inspecting both wrists now. When I turned them over, I didn’t even bother looking at the scars. Those scars belonged to the old Carrie, not me, and the bruises would fade soon. I looked back into the mirror, leaning over the counter as I brushed my fingertips over the bruise. It didn’t hurt, which was a good sign.

I bit the inside of my cheek, leaning back and wondering how Grayson was going to react to this.

Would he be angry at me for going to the store on my own? Would he want to end things with me? Would he hate me for my foolishness? Would he even want to touch me while bruises from another man painted my skin? Would he still love me now, after being even more damaged?

My throat thickened as questions echoed in my head like a broken record of anxiety. I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears. I’d come too far to cry about things like this, dammit.

“Yes,” I whispered to myself, staring at the woman in the mirror. “Yes, you’re damaged. But you are also healed. You’ve overcome so much, clawed your way out of the hell the world put you in. You are not your anxiety. You are not your fears. You are not your trauma. You are not a burden, Carrie.”

My eyes stung with tears, but I managed to hold them back, my bottom lip trembling. “You are worthy of love, and Grayson loves you.” I tossed my arms out in a pathetic shrug. “He loves you, and nothing will ever change that. He told you that himself,” I whispered.

I love you more than anything else in this world.

I love you more than anything else in this world.

I love you more than anything else in this world.

Grayson would be here soon, and then, everything would be alright.

The sound of a door opening and closing had my head snapping towards the bathroom door, and I heard a new voice. A male voice. One I didn’t know.

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