Page 23 of Hold Me Before You Go

“Or is it something deeper? Something you haven’t processed yet?” he asked softly.

I turned my chair, putting my legs underneath the table and placing my elbows on the top before hanging my head. I stared at the wood grain, listening to the steady beat of my heart as I held my breath, twinges of pain shooting through my scar. “You know the answer, Edwards,” I rumbled.

“I know, but I would like to hear it from you,” he returned, his voice still level, still patient.

When I said nothing, he pulled me from my thoughts before I could even sink into them. “Grayson, you’ve been on the go your entire life. From what you disclosed, your childhood was healthy. You have a good relationship with your mother. Your father’s death never really bothered you because you never knew him. You were okay with being okay, all through your childhood.”

Slowly, I lifted my head and straightened my spine, letting go of the breath I’d been holding. Dominic turned on his heel and went to lean against the door of the room, crossing his ankles, putting his hands in his pockets. “Your history in the Marines was…colorful to say the least,” he noted. “You nearly lost your life multiple times, but there was only one time you were truly scared.” His dark eyes moved from mine, landing on my scar.

A lump formed in my throat.

“You were tortured.”

Slowly, I nodded.

“You were on an extraction mission, yes?”

I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, unable to speak, nodding again.

“Carrie was an extraction job.”

She was just a job and nothing more.

I’d repeated those words over and over for weeks, trying to get her out of my head. Nothing ever worked. The pull between us had been too strong. It was fate. We both knew that now.

“Grayson?”

I blinked, shaking my head. “Talking about this isn’t going to help get her back,” I told him.

He tilted his head to the side, his brows coming together. “We need to get whatever it is that pulled you into that episode out of your head, Gray. We won’t be able to find Carrie if you aren’t at your best. You know that,” he challenged. “Answer my question. Carrie Hale was an extraction job, was she not?”

“Yes,” I answered through clenched teeth. “You damn well know she was.”

“And now, she’s been kidnapped,” he shot back, throwing his arm out there. “Your mind is trying to twist you into thinking this is your fault, bringing you back to the worst day of your life. Let me ask another question, Gray: in your office just now, were you the one being tortured? Or was Carrie the one being held down on the dirt floor?”

I was fuming now. “Watch it,” I growled.

He fell silent, studying me again. “You’re defensive.”

“No, I just don’t want to think of her like that! It’s my worst damn nightmare!” I bit off.

“But it wasn’t a nightmare at all, Gray,” he reminded me gently. “You lived it. You were the one who was held down and tortured, not Carrie. You’re putting her in that situation because if you don’t bring her back, in your mind, that’s the only outcome she’ll have.”

He was right. I knew he was right. I bent my head again. “I fucked up,” I murmured. “I’m the reason why she was taken.”

“No, you’re not, but you are going to be the reason we get her back. Safe. Alive.”

I lifted my head back up. “I can’t go back there,” I declared firmly, shaking my head.

“Let’s go over the facts,” he started, pulling out the chair to my left and taking a seat. I raised my head to look at him. “We’re the best damn hunters in the country. We are good at what we do and everyone knows that.”

I nodded once.

Dominic continued, “We know who our main suspect is, we know the motive, and we know who to talk to for more information, which is what we’re about to do, correct?”

I knew what he was doing. I’d seen him do this on Ash—hell, even Hayes once. It was a mind game, forcing you to push past your emotions and focus on logic and facts. Before Dominic joined Red Snake, he helped veterans with PTSD for this very reason.

“Correct,” I replied, nodding.

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